So I hardly ever come out of my office


I am way to busy, as usual! But today I was taking some paperwork to a girl at the other side of the cubie pit and I see everyone standing there looking out the windows. I was thinking if we where on a ship it would have sunk by now! I could hear the panic stricken calls of the captain, "Not everyone at once! People step away from the left side of the ship!"
I went over to one of the girls and said "Girl, what is going on?" And Uh huh, I said it like that.... Turns out the local law enforcement had been cruising the lot next to the woods looking around. Some of the girls had seen him out there. When he drove off, a man came out of the woods, looking around like he had done something (ya think?). He saw all the girls looking at him and ran back into the woods. So one of the girls called 911. She is trying to make the dispatcher believe that they saw what they saw and he was still in the woods. Of course anyone who say anything is getting all excited and talking out loud at the same time.
"He had on jeans shorts"
"No, they where blue!"
"No, they were black and he had on a white collared shirt!"
"It was a t-shirt"
(Ever played gossip? LOL)
Needless to say dispatcher lady can't understand a word the one girl is saying. So the dispatcher calls the cops back, all the while more of us congregate at the window.
"Glass isn't bullet proof!" one girl said.
Another spouts out with a "I wonder what he did?"
In my head I am thinking, he is looking at us right now memorizing our faces thinking "These bitches are going down!"...
A car pulls up and is going slow. It is not a cop car.
"It's his ride!" hollers one girl, "He is here to pick him up!'
Bout that time a cop car pulls up and the first car looks like he is trying to pull away from him. A collective "OH!" is let out from the window crowd. But no, it is only an undercover cop. The talk a minute and then get out to search the woods.
We all contemplate what we would do if he came out of the woods and tried to run from the cops.
"We could run out the door screaming" I hear, "That'll surely get the cops back over here!"
"We should group tackle him!" says another.
I am thinking of what this criminal would think if about 30 of us women went running outside after him. Hummm. That could go 2 ways!
We conspire about what he did and why the cops where after him.
"He robbed the Econo-Mart and tried to take a woman hostage at the car wash!"
(Can you tell I live in a small town?)
"Well I think he was barefoot!"
"He was dragging the car wash woman by the hair!"
(Remember Granddads ride to school when he was little? It went from riding, to walking, to walking with no shoes, to snow, to deep snow, etc.....)

Wanna be a spy? You to can sign up on the internet!

OH


I purchased my first part of my Motorcycle safety gear today. A DOT approved helmet. The Kawasaki place here is going out of business and I got it for a steal!

Yo Yo Yo Dog!


Well tonight is it. The final AI3 show. I watched last night and have to say for the first time I agreed with Simon on one song. Fantasia did not sing her first song well. She was "trying to make it her own" but it didn't work. I was also a bit disappointed with her "Summertime" song, again she was trying to enhance the song more that when she sang it the first time. The first time she sang it, it was "da bomb" but last night I think she was pushing it a little to much. The judges liked it though so what do I know... But now the "Believe" song she was right on! EXCELLENT! I have one issue with Fantasia though. At the first of the final 12 competition, I was like "she is gonna win this". But as the show went on, she showed that she has a 'tude. Tudes turn me off, so now I have issue with her. Plus I am a little disconcerted how they can have issues with Frenchy "modeling" on the internet, saying that doesn't make a good American Idol, well what is the difference with Fantasia and her being an unwed mother? Is that what an American Idol is? Don't get me wrong. I not a judging person, I just think the SAME RULES SHOULD APPLY FOR EVERYONE!


Diana did the "Believe" song what I would call a "pretty good OK", she pushed a little to hard on her second and third song. But I will give it to her she has a strong voice.


So, I didn't vote, but if I did I would have to say I more than likely would have voted for Diana even though I really should support felloe North Carolinian, Fantasia. Her showing her 'tude shows me if and when she makes the big time, she will not appreciate it. My opinion and my opinion only....

NCDMV


I went to the NCDMV today to take my written portion of the motorcycle test. IF I didn't say it before, when you take the Motorcycle Safety class you do not have to drive in front of the cop..(whew!). The class was fresh in my mind, I had downloaded the DMV training manual, just to read thru, I was a bit apprehensive, but I was prepared. Or so I thought..
I got there plenty early. One of the first in line. When they opened I was sent straight to a DMV chicks desk. Kind of an amazon blonde woman with blue eyes. Eyes that had issues. One of them didn't move. It is such a weird feeling to see her type on the computer, all the while looking at me with one eye and the screen with the other. She was rather nice though.
So She got me all checked in and set up for the test. I sat down to the computer to take the test and missed the first question right off the bat. Thing is, I knew better. NERVES! DAMN THEM!! I thought, "Great! This is a sign." I took a deep breathe and proceeded on. No in class, one guy said when he took the test, he skipped some questions and he didn't get the same question back in the end, he got a new question. Well all in all, I skipped 3. Guess what! I got those 3 back in the end. Hummm, that is a man for ya... But I got the questions right the 2nd time around. I ended up missing 3 which means I passed! YEAH!
I am called over to yet another DMV dude to pay my fees. This dude has never missed a meal or a donut, and he was rather curt. I was thinking he sure needed to find a personality.
Now I get a new picture, so I am pointed to the Picture Dude by Bland Donut Man. YEAH!!! Or so I thought. My hair is very curly, and today I thought it was looking pretty good, kind of natural with a little (very little) work to the top. The picture dude said "Oh, your gonna like this one!" I thought YEA! The other picture I look toothless because of where they put my name. The trail of the last letter of my last name went RIGHT thru my mouth. "Go in the waiting room, it will be about 3 minutes." Picture Dude said. So off I go to wait.
In a few I hear my name called out, I walk around to Picture Dude and he hands me my license. Turns out he is really Sarcastic Picture Dude. That or totally blind. Uh huh, I look like I just came off a three day drunk, and haven't washed my hair in a week. go figure. What is it about DMV pictures? Are they trained to take bad pics? Do they buy discounted screwed up cameras? Is it an internal contest of all DMV offices to see who can take the worst pic of someone? Hummmm
To end my Tuesday blog, I am now legal to drive a bike. WOO HOO!

I PASSED OUT!


Yes, as my unkymood shows, I feel accomplished! I have to admit, I just went thru the most grueling last 2 days I have been thru in a LONG time, taking the motorcycle training course.
I was yelled at (along with everyone else), hot and sweaty & sick to my stomach with nerves. I will admit I was never closer to giving something up than I was the first hour of the first morning. My wrists are killing me from clutching and braking. BUT I had a blast and made some new friends too! AND I PASSED! 100 on the written and 92 on the driving! Yeah for me! This is part one of a goal I had set for myself a long while back. part 2 is to own one. That is still a ways down the road yet, but donations never turned down (LOL)...
Here is what I sucked at...
1) The Box. In a small box you are supposed to do a figure 8 with out crossing the lines, using your weight, the rear brake and the throttle. the box is about 30 foot long and 18 foot wide.
2) taking a 120 turn within 2.9 seconds. I did it in 3.4, oh well.
I aced the 2nd gear immediate stop, and the swerving exercise. So as long as I don't do any figure 8's in a box, or make a fast turn, I will be alright! LOL I am sure the turn will come with practice. And I intend on practicing a lot before I take a major road trip.
Tomorrow I go to the NCDMV and take their written test. If I pass that, I get it added to my license! WOO HOO!

This is worth a Friday looksie..be sure to check out all the services they offer and the contact us page!

T.G. freakin I.F!
For Friday Fun


This site is too good! I am creating my ex-bosses' face now and I have darts!!!


Reds' Friday Five

1) Now that it is the weekend what are your plans?
2) What do you to wind down at the end of the day?
3) Relaxation for you is?
4) Your ideal weekend consists of what?
5) You look forward to the weekend why?


Reds Answers
1) Now that it is the weekend what are your plans?
I am going to take a motorcycle training course of course!


2) What do you to wind down at the end of the day?
<Well if I told you I would have to kill you...


3) Relaxation for you is?
A cabana boy.. oh wait, I mean a glass of wine, a good meal and good company. Did I mention my glass was 64 ounces?


4) Your ideal weekend consists of what?
Sex, eating, sex, drinking, sex, sleeping, sex. Oh, and did I meantion sex? LOL!!


5) You look forward to the weekend why?
Well Duh! read the previous answer silly!

OK,Maybe I am putting the cart before the horse, actually I am putting the cart before the horse, but I am really excited about this weekend and taking the motorcycle course.
SOOOO, I have been online window shopping.
I went to Harley and I like this one.
I went to Yamaha and I like this, and this.
I went to Honda and I like this.
I went to Kawasaki and I like the Vulcan 800 classic. Due to their "ultra flash" site I can't link that pic but you can select it of you care to look..
Now understand I am a year and a half to 2 years out to getting one of my own, but window shopping can be fun!!
Besides, if gas gets to be much more, I might need to get one sooner!

GO FIGURE!!



You are a Dubliner.


What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am a freakin etch a sketch...


You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

First a few quick updates to yesterday's story...
Update #1 - I wanted to add to yesterday's story that the minute we got home, I had to put a bra on so I could go to the store.. LOL go figure..
Update #2 - I got in the class to learn to ride a motorcycle along with motorcycle safety this weekend!! Gonna get my license! Part one of a 2 part life goal, part 2 is to own my own bike.


Biker Bitch


I am someone's biker bitch. I'm not sure how I feel about that term, but from my purchases it appears I like it!
I guess "freedom" got to me. I went hog wild (that is kinda funny, isn't it? LOL. Hog - bike rally..)
OK as I had stated, I have never been to a bike rally before, so I had to have the t-shirt. Well not really a t-shirt but a camisole version. First stop we made I saw one that I REALLY liked but it wasn't really a "rally" shirt. But it was real cute! It was a black, wifebeater style shirt with a silver studded eagle on the front, and studded around the neckline. I was like, no, I will find one that says Myrtle Beach somewhere. But R bought it for me anyway. He snuck it up to the check out and after he paid he said "At these things if you like it you buy it or it may not be there later". Such a sweetie..
Anyway on we go. There where lots of vendors to check out their wares, everything from special paint jobs to massager chairs. Guess the later was for all us "old folks" after a days ride. So long story short, I ended up with a black camisole trimmed in lace, and a white one with chain straps. Yes I said chain! Also I ended up with a leather riding vest. It comes complete with lace up sides, fringe, and purple suede roses inset in the yolks on the front and back. The lady who helped me said "We have the matching chaps!" I looked at her as I sweated and thought, uh, NO... but you know, in cooler weather they might just be the ticket. Humm, maybe I DO want the chaps! Besides, you are supposed to wear your leather gear everytime you ride for protection. uh huh..

I am becoming such a good and stylish biker bitch! (If there is such a thing!)

Set Those Puppies Free!


I went to my first Bike week this past weekend. Yep I did. And in getting prepared I had to go shopping for shirts. No, I didn't use it as an excuse for shopping, rather I HATE hot weather, I am SUPER fair of skin and I do not have a lot of cute summer wear. BUT, as this year I have a tan, I thought "What the hay!", I bought a halter-top and it is pink! (Hereinafter referred to as my skank shirt and I use skank lovingly.) I have always been told if you have red hair, don't wear pink unless you wanna be on the back cover of Vogue wearing a black strip across your eyes walking on a big DON'T. Which of course would thrill me. But that is a whole different story.
Anyway, I have one of Victoria Secret convertible bras. It can be a regular bra, a strapless, a racer back, or a halter bra, so I am thinking, OK, this is cool, I can be a respectable skank. So the night of purchase, I am trying the skank shirt on. I take my VS bra, convert the straps and I am sorry to say my VS convertible bra as a halter bra around my neck has got to be close to how it feels to be a pulley on a motor hoist. Don't get me wrong, I am not huge, but I am not small either.
So, OMG I have a dilemma! I haven't worn a skank shirt well...EVER and I haven't gone braless...well...EVER!! My step mom used to drill in my head, wear your bra or you'll be saggy when your older. Not gonna tell you the visions in my young head back then. Funny thing though, back in high school the boys used to call me "band-aid" as a (cruel) joke. I was pretty much a pirates dream, an A cup if that constitutes a cup size at all LOL. HA! If they could see me now! Again another story.
Back to the skank shirt..
So I decided to "set those puppies free". Like the song says, "Oh what a feeling!" My frontal appendages where yelling out, "Free at last! Free at last!" I felt naked and dressed at the same time. Ha Ha! Even more did I feel like a skank. And are you ready for this? I went braless all weekend, shhhhhhh don"t tell!!!
OF course I had to have the T-Shirt from the rally but that is another story for later this week...
So know I have to go and sign up for motorcycle classes.
No, I am not kidding. That is one of my life goals. To learn to ride one, and to own one.
Later!

More thoughts from my head via a poem. sort of...


Words


I find it hard to describe
the way I feel.
When I'm with you,
nothing else matters.
As you pull me close,
and hold me,
my mind turns blank
to the outside world.
I act from my heart.
I can tell things by your eyes
and your heart is open.
Words speed by in my head
when I try to say how I feel..
I find easier at times,
to put my words down on paper.
I always want to show you
how much I care.
Right now,
the best way to say how you make me feel
is to say,
I love you.

Name Generator

Haven't you always wanted to know this!!!

Your Nerd Name - mine is Gracetha - Python Wizard
Your Office Ho name - I am The Drunk Meister
Your Gansta name - mine is Mercedes Rollin' Monkey Smuggler
Your Porn Star name - Mine is Tempest Sinn
Your Fairy name - Mine is Columbine Goblinwitch
Your Smurf Name - Mine is Fidel Smurf
Your Jedi Name - Mine is FOXMA ROFOR of the planet Vicoden
Your Vampire Name - Mine is Chastity Fey aka Succubus of Beijing
And Finally Your Hip Hop Name - Mine is Queen Baby Mack Cubis

Been ultra busy this week. Have out of town company at work..
BUT
I saw this and thought it was too cool. I am going to add it to my list of places I spy on!


Astronomy Picture of the Day

OK, in copying my sister and Sam, I pose the following:


Ask me three (or more) questions (by e-mail or the comment box). Ask me anything you want and I will truthfully answer. Then, go to your blog and copy and paste this, allowing your friends to ask you three (or more) questions.


This could be interesting! LOL


From my seaster:


1) If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
I was once married to the devil and yes, he has a name. It is "the bastard". You've met him. 13 years of hell. But we do go thru these things to learn don't we? Maybe I wouldn't appreciate what I have now. Seems like a lot of shit to go thru to get here though!


2. If you were independently wealthy, but still chose to work, what would you do?
I would be a plant nursery owning, free lance photographer, who supported a no kill shelter.


3. What celebrity do you lust after?
OH my, you want to know my darkest secrets If you don't you?
OK I confess... the celebrity I lust after is Pluto, with Mel Gibson running a close 2nd. Well I don't know, i sure like Nicolas Cage...hummm

The Cicadas Are Coming, The Cicadas Are Coming!


Seems every 17 years these little flying noisy bugs show up. And I am lucky enough to be here in NC in their year!! Feel the excitement! Actually I am thinking Photo Op as this is a rarity..
Anyway. They emerge sometime in May out of your lawn, from little dirt piles that look like you should be talking you dog to the vet. THEY FLY.. OMG. They fly around thru most of June. (Bet all the NC June brides are excited...what's that on the cake?
It makes the news here. There are Cicada watches. There are FAQs about Cicadas..
go to my link, check it out, someone has actually asked if it would hurt their kids to eat them. I should be suprised but I am not. I just find that totally GROSS.
I can see my now if one comes towards me. I have always said that any bug, snake, slimy slithery thing will kill me poisonous or not, because I would kill myself running from it.. I am not a wuss, bugs just aren't my thing.
Let's see, they come out in May, hang around till June.. I know where my *** will be and it sure not outside!!!

Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary
I got this from a friend and had to pass it on!


BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing the boss' ass rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The Anna Nichole show or the Bachelor is a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" (meaning that the requested document, like the person's brain, could not be located).

GENERICA: Features of the North American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust(leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING).

Add Ons


WOW, I got my pull downs done and my search box...I am amazed at myself!
I also added in a fade in feature. When you first key up my site, it should fade in...
And I did it all on my lunch today!!
Tell me what you think!!
My only thing now is I signed up for Blogrolling and I don't think that will work with my pull down verbage...hummm
I really like the concept of blogrolling.....


Our work computers are getting the sasser worm. It is amazing all the things hackers can do. Doesn't even take a download for this one... Amazing!! I downloaded the stinger and isolated it on me, but I can get it again...WTF?
Oh Well... Will check out my computer tonight...

Lifeline Calculator


Who really wants to know how long you are gonna live but if you are daring try this..

I Snore, Therefore I Am...


OK, I will admit it, I snore. Not all the time but on occasion and especially during allergy season. Why is it we are so embarassed over some bodily functions that we can not help? Mind you I said "we can not help". My first husband thought farting was funny and one of his friends could belch sentences. Uh-huh, yeah. His name was LeRoy. Go Figure. The friend's name, not my 1st husband..His name was Harold... go figure again.... Bet you have a pretty picture of me now huh. Let's just say I was young and dumb then. Needless to say he really impressed my mother. Actually he made her "good side" when she slaved to make homemade French Dip sandwiches with au jour, and he let off with a "I don't like a G.D. sandwich." Yes I am being sarcastic, because she was not pleased. I also think now I musta needed to have been hit with a load of bricks to see the light back then. But I get off tract here.
Last night, I was pretty tired, but I HAD to watch "10.5" even though I would be us past my usual bedtime. Don't laugh. I like to get up at 5 AM. Anyway, now there is ya some bad acting! Kim Deleney must have lost her acting skills when she went off to "dry out". But I have to add that she wasn't the only one that sucked like a hoover.....
OH!
And that train that got consumed by the fault line??? Come on, what are the odds that they would build miles of train track, all on a fault line. uh huh. And I saw that overhead shot. That was a model train if I ever saw one. I should know. I have 3.
OH! OH!
And the governers assistant, who husband kept calling her to talk about them having a baby, all the while these massive quakes are happening? Come on, I am sure there are thousands of things to talk about during a quake, and having a baby ain't one of them. And like the phone would work!!!
I could keep on with the OH!s but I regress again.... (and yes I will finish it tonight. The earth quake footage is pretty cool!)
I had just got to sleep when I let off with one of those breathing in snores. Like when your mouth is relaxed and our upper palette has relaxed. I let off with a rousing hhhrumppht.....My body jumped and my eyes came open wider than making a politically incorrect statement in front of a bunch of harrasement lawyers.
First thing I think was "Was that me?" Then a quick "Who did I wake up?" Then the embarasment sets in... "OMG, I can't believe I just did that...blush....
But it sure doesn't take me long to go back to sleep... via a turn of the head and holding my mouth shut with the prop of my hand.....
I didn't say I had a point with this story either..

Some, what the.... moments
When I grow up I wanna be a......porn star?????
A big DUH.. YA THINK?
Someone is lookin a little like a new Tim Burton character
EWWW EWWW EWWWW!!

Today's Horrosscope
CANCER (June 22-July 22)
Polish networking skills, and boldly speak with those you hardly know. A hot tip could make you some money. New people are attracted to your style -- you've got so much of that, though you may hardly think about it.

was that paul-ish or pole-ish???

Random Bits and Pieces


Was yesterday really a Thursday? Cause it sure felt like a Monday or a Friday the 13th (which the next one comes in August).
Boy am I glad that day is over! Whew!
Hence the TGIF unkymood. !
My son continues to astound me. Why is it when we start thinking things like, "Where is his head", or "Sometimes he acts so adult, then...", they say or do something that just blows you away? Don't get me wrong. My son is great! And yes, I know he has his faults, don't we all. But he is young, (22), and at that age of young adulthood. You mothers know what I mean, the I got the world figured out, I am in charge demeanor.... We have been there too. I remember being that age and I thought I had the world pegged. (HA! to know what I know NOW!!!) Either way, yesterday in his blog about change I was just blown away by the writing, the verbage, the poetic sound of it.
I have to add that my son and I are a lot alike. We both have a semi sarcastic sense of humor. I think we are both quick with the witty comeback, and we both have what I call the "Gypsy" gene. The urge to start anew when things get old or stagnant. And we are way different in other ways. I know sometimes he doesn't understand me, just like sometimes I don't understand him. But that is what makes us all interesting and great to know!!
Nuff bragging now!!!
Have a great Friday!

Frustrations


SPY WARE PISSES ME OFF! There I've said it. I don't know how I got it, and apparently it can happen rather you want it to or not. So I downloaded this software (Ad-ware) after much research. I had 351, yes 351 Spyware items on my computer. I got rid of them but I still get pop ups out the butt.
(literally not physically), so now I am in search of a pop up blocker that won't block commenting on blogger.
OH and to add, isn't it funny that spell check on blogger, says blogger (or blog) is not a word! LOL
hummm, me thinks today is gonna be a sarcastic day.....look out world!!!
Oh and OH #2, anyone has any tips on any good pop up blocker software drop me a line...

Sing this to the Brady Bunch tune


Here's a story
of an ex president
who liked cigars,
navy dresses,
and altoids.
all of them together equaled "Not Sex"
and he never inhaled..

"Uh Huh, of course I don't want to talk to them. Why don't you read them one of their favorite books. You know, Green eggs and I'm hammered"
Karen Walker on the phone to Rosario about her stepkids....


Gotta love her!

And There Was A Knock At My Door


I was visited last night, yes, I was. By the white shirt, black tie via bike brigade. I saw them thru my new peephole recently installed in my door by my landlord. I usually avoid these "Ring the bell at dinner" men but I was feeling rather fiesty last night. I popped open the door with a smile and asked "Can I help you?"
They proceeded to try to sell me on their brand of religion, complete with hand outs.
"But wait!" I interrupted, "Have you tried a good moisturizer lately? Hold on I will be right back!" I turned around and headed to my make-up bag.
I saw them look at each other quizzically as I turned.
I came back with my big ol' pink bottle of Mary Kay, and before you could say "But wait, I am a man in a white shirt with black tie that just rode up on my bike to sell you religion" I squirted some on both their hands.
"Go on!" I said, "Rub it in! Feel your skin drink in the moisture! Bet you didn't realize how dry you could be by riding those Schwinns. Oh and I HOPE you are wearing helmets, there are a lot of kids in my neighborhood and you are an example for them."
They, for some reason unbeknownst to me, looked a little weirded out. One of them handed me a pamphlet and asked me to read it tonight and pray.
I smiled, with a glint in my eye and said "I pray, I pray every day that I will get the opportunity to sell someone else some Mary Kay! My pink car will be here any day! You 2 must come back and see it when I get it. It will be here Friday after next! Why, We could become a team! You 2 selling religion, and moi, selling Mary Kay! Think of the possibilities!"
They looked at each other and started backing up.
"Can I interest either of you in a little eye liner or some blush perhaps? You might not look so pale in those white shirts if you used them. You know, white is really not your color." I quipped while looking at the pale blonde guy on the left. I turned to the Italian looking one on the right, "You on the other hand, umm, white looks quite good on you! How about a little lip gloss, just a pinch, to give you that freshly kissed look!"
"Uhm, ma'am, we aren't supposed to look freshly kissed." They stepped down one step.
I stepped out the door, pink bottle in one hand, religious flyer in the other. "Oh I am so sorry to hear that. We have a great line of bath products! Wouldn't that be nice after a day of pedaling religion."
They turned around now and were headed towards their bikes. "Thank you ma'am, and No thank you, we have to go now!"
"Be sure you visit my neighbor S, she is bi-polar, has a migraine and menopause today. I KNOW she could use some religion 'bout now!"
They never looked back as they rode off into the sunset, away from S's or my home. I think S and I will NOT be having THOSE visitors again! Anything I can do for my neighborhood!
Ah, yes, another day, another goal accomplished!

Monday Morning You Sure Look Fine


Yeah it's Monday. Feel the excitement? me either. Weekends just aren't long enough. This past weekend I helped R work in the yard. What a task! My legs are SORE!!! But not as sore as R! And before anyone says anything about my legs being sore, (like oh say ... 1F) it is from the yard work! The things we go thru to have our yards look nice. R can hardly walk....
R has 2 HUGE flowerbeds that were growing some right nice weeds! S said that they should have won some type of award for the sheer size and mass of them. I thought they where rather pretty, all blooming yellow and purple. Some of them were going in rather nice asymetrical patterns. I photographed them. But they had to die, yes it was time. Saturday and Sunday where beautiful days though, sun-shinny, blue skies, and one damn bird that was entirely to happy! Good thing I didn't have access to a gun! lol..........
So back to my task at hand I go... work, YUCK TODAY!!!

Time keeps on tickin, tickin, tickin, into the future....


I know I haven't been a good blogger this week. Ultra busy at work. I have a new task and after seeing this I am a little anxious...there are now 9 of these. Maybe I should go on one of these!


But I have read some rather interesting news...


Now what is actually so bad about this idea? Everyone could use a break!


And go figure


And next time you go to a drive thru animal park think about this!


I really LOVE Mexican food but not so sure any more!


Wondering what is UP with people!!!

I just got recovered from my surgery when BAM


There the Prime Minister was, making a speach when BAM


And talk about backing up....BAM

There I was walking along my property when
BAM!!!


I was on my way to work when BAM!!!


And she made Maxim's top 100 list.......BAM!! or should I say Bam!!! Bam!!! Are we really suprised? Come on, she is naturally blonde AND has boobs...

For My Sister


FREE
Is OK by me!


She'll get it!!!
LOL

A Dogs Life


On the same Saturday that I met Chi-ling, I saw 3 dogs "talking". (Smelling each others butts sounds so crass!) Two where in a nice large yard, the third an apparent stray in the neighborhood. This is what I imagined the conversation was like.


"Yea!!! The female human let us out! Let's run over there to the swing and chew the seat up. I have had about enough of the mini human pulling my ears! I'll show that little..!" Said King with excitement, wagging his tail.
"Now, now you know better than that!" Mr. Biggs interupted, "That is beneath us. Our masters have spent a lot of time grooming us, bathing us and training us, feeding us the best food, teaching us manners."
"Yes, you're right," King answered with a bit of disappointment, "How about a nice jog around the perimeter of the yard. That should help me take my mind off the mini human."
They both stretch their legs in preparation..
"Race ya!" King says to Mr. Biggs.
They take off, the older one determined to put the younger one in his place. About half way around the yard King stopped abruptly. "What's that smell?" King asked Mr. Biggs
"Smells disgusting to me." Mr. Biggs said.
"Hello, hey you guys." Came a voice.
"What was that?" King exclaimed.
"Well it wasn't me," Replied Mr. Biggs. "And we are the only dogs on this street."
"Hey, you two over there!" the voice said again.
King and Mr. Biggs looked around the yard for where the voice was coming from. At the far back corner of the fence there stood a large scruffy bit of a dog, tall, black, brown and tan, very muscular. They trot over to him.
"What are you guys up to?" said the Stray. "Wanna go over to Mrs. Browns with me and scare that cat? That Siamese thinks her poop don't stink, the 3 of us could really get her good!"
"We don't do that, we are yard dogs." Said Mr. Biggs.
"OK and that means what?" said the Stray.
"We don't DO that kind of thing, " said Mr.Biggs again. "We are better than that."
"Oh well, suit yourself," Stray said. "So after I go chase the cat I will come back and get you two and we can go roll in this great dead carcass I just spotted about a half a mile back."
"Why on earth would you want to do that?" King said wrinkling his nose.
"Why to be one with nature of course. It masks your scent, makes it easier to sneak up on your dinner!" Stray answered. "Then we can go over to Mr. Johnsons farm and raid his trash. Besides it being fun, he always has something good to eat in his trash, that human is so wasteful."
"We don't eat trash." Said Mr. Biggs with his nose in the air. "We eat only the best that money can buy, and are rewarded with rawhide treats and the occasional wet food in assorted flavors."
"WHAT?" Stray exclaimed. "You have never chased a rabbit for dinner? Never had the pleasure of stalking your next meal?"
"Oh God. Why should we reduce ourselves to that? Our masters do the hunting; they go off in that rolling thing over there and come back a little tired and bitchy but with a fine feast for us. Eat a rabbit? Yuck!" King said.
"Oh OK, just keep on eating your horse meat." Stray answered, rolling his eyes.
"Come on King, let's go. This guy is filling your head with nonsense. Horse meat, humph, you'll be having bad dreams and running in your sleep again, all hitting me on the head with your paws. You already bark in your sleep"
"But that sounds like fun Mr. Biggs." King turns to the stray, "What's your name anyway? My name is King and this is Mr. Biggs"
"See what you have done? You need to go on about your business. Next thing I know he will be trying to figure out how to jump the fence!" Mr. Biggs stated sternly.
Stray looks at King and says, "My name has been many things. The humans like to call me Getoutofhere Shoo. They usually ignore me until I try to bury some freshly caught dinner in their flowerbeds for a snack later. Then they yell out their name for me, "Getoutofhere Shoo!" That ground around the flowers is too soft to not take advantage of! Guess your friend here has never stopped to smell the roses." Stray cocks his head over at Mr. Biggs. "But I prefer the name my old bud George gave me when I was just a young one and he took me under his paws, teaching me all his skills. He gave me the name Rambler"
"Where is he now?" King asked.
"Come ON King, no need to listen to any of his stories. Besides he smells and I think I might lose my Alpo."
"What's up with Mr. Biggs?" questioned Rambler.
"Oh he is OK really. He doesn't mean anything by it, he is just trying to keep his eye on me. The humans had him 14 or so dog years before me." King stated.
"Well he needs to go mark his territory or something. Take a load off!" Rambler snorted.
"Say did I tell you about the hot little number about 3 blocks over? She is a woofer! I would love to smell her butt and get to know her a little better! Va Va Va Voom!"
Kings ears perked up, "OH! Tell me more."
Mr. Biggs said, "COME ON King."
Rambler laughed a small chortle. "Look, you gotta go. I'll drop back by the next time I am in the neighborhood and see if you two are out. I don't know how you do it all pinned up like you are, not enjoying nature."
"Well this is all we know," King said, "But we love it!"
Mr. Biggs jumped in, "Our lives are good. What's your point? Why are you filling Kings head full of crazy notions? We eat well, have a clean yard and a warm human container they share with us!"
"I have no point," Rambler said, "just feel sorry for you guys man, your missing life! The freedom to roam, eat as you please, stalk and scare a few things, meet a few babes."
Human voices.
"That's us Mr. Biggs." King said turning back to Rambler. "It was great talking to you! Come back when you can. If Mr. Biggs stays ruffled up about you I will try to sneak out and visit! Bye!"

SEE!

Size DOES matter!

I recently had stumbled onto a web site called the Friday Five. Each week they would post 5 questions to answer. OK! I thought, this will be fun! But alas, Friday the 2nd they hadn't posted. Well things being what they may, and last Friday being good Friday, I forgot to look. I went there today and low and behold, they posted! Damn it! I hate being late! (insert large sigh here). So a couple of days late and always a dollar short, here are last Fridays Five and my answers:


1. What do you do for a living? I work in the wonderful world of accounting for a Broadband company. no names mentioned but the webpage is here: www dot mastec dot com.


2. What do you like most about your job? Working with some people.


3. What do you like least about your job? Working with those other people.


4. When you have a bad day at work it's usually because _____... of dumb ass people.


5. What other career(s) are you interested in? All forms of art, psychiatry (lol), world conquerer or controller of Bill Gates Money!


How about you?

Tuesday Challenges


Besides it is right after Monday, still not close to the weekend, I get challenged with this today. I sucked! Try your luck and leave your score on my comments. I got 28 on my first try. It is amazing what we forget! I will master this!


Could You Pass The Third Grade?


I have to go write a mean e-mail now to my friend D in NY for giving me such a personal lift to this fine day!


Listening to my headeache grow!

Monday Monday Part Deaux


I had a great weekend this past weekend. A number of personal things that I don't care to meantion here yet, some others that I do care to talk about.


I got linked! I am truly honored anytime anyone deams my ramblings worthy. I emailed this person and they seem quite the person I would like to know! Check them out!
I also got my first "out of the US" pin on my map! Iyanga from Germany! BIG THANKS to Iyanga for pinning me and the language lesson :-)!
Quick hint here, If you haven't pinned my map yet, why haven't you? It is quick, painless and a lot better than going to the dentist! Go now and pin me before I call up all my women's intuition and send the vibes your way!!!


Listening to No Doubt

And Then Comes Monday


Yuck. It is Monday again! I want to know who stole my weekend! Why is it they are so short? It is overcast and raining here, I would rather be in bed with a good, book or movie. But the tax man calleth! I did get a couple if stories almost completed and will post them soon for your amusement!
Now a recently composed bit of prose for the heart:


I love you for you,
for who you are,
you opening your heart,
is helping me open mine.


I feel good with you,
you feel good next to me,
You make me feel good,
about me.


I love you for your ability
to make me smile, laugh.
Your smile and laughter,
is warming to my soul.


We still have a lot to learn
about each other,
with each other,
I look forward to that.


I can't explain it,
don't think I have to.
It's like I have known you
a thousand years.


We have the excitement
of a freshly wrapped package
waiting to be opened,
with all the anticipation.


I Love You


Listening to the Blackeyed Peas

Working for the Weekend


Since it is Friday, a holiday week and everyone I am sure has other things on their minds, I spent my blog time creating drop down menus for my link catagories. Next figure out a search bar, change my header picture and I will be cooking with gas!(southern expression).


Hope everyone has a great Easter Weekend!]


I am gonna go find that cat Chi-ling.



listening to Train.

Here Comes Peter Cottontail, Hopping Down the Bunny Trail


Ahhh Springtime, Easter, pretty pastel colors and the Easter Bunny leaving eggs for easter egg hunts for the kids. The Easter Bunny?? And it leaves eggs??? What gives with that? I thought the holiday was a celebration of Christ's resurrection! How did a bunny get associated with that? Where did that darn Easter Bunny come from?! You can check out Cult of Jef for his slant on Easter or I did a little online research being the nosey person I am and found this article:


Easter is the holiest day for Christians, the day celebrating Christ's resurrection on the third day after Good Friday. This time of year is also associated with Passover, the holy Jewish holiday. So why a bunny?


Since ancient times, rabbits have been symbols of Easter, partly due to pagan traditions, partly due to religious symbolism. According to most encyclopedias, a rabbit, in the Christian tradition, symbolizes an innocent, vulnerable creature (much like a lamb), easily taken in by his enemies, and whose only real defense is to run or be saved by his master. Christians say the rabbit may represent man being saved by Christ, or Christ himself, allowing himself to be "taken" as a lamb to the slaughter. The egg, a symbol too, represents the rebirth, as Christ rose on the third day. Even literature gets into the act. The Great Gatsby uses "West Egg" Long Island, New York (not a real town) to represent hope for new life, however fleeting, in F. Scott Fitzgerald's popular novel.


Pagans, on the other hand, have a different explanation of Easter. The pagans worshipped the Anglo-Saxon goddess of fertility: Eostre. Her symbol was the rabbit, and this symbol has reached across many cultures, standing the test of time. The pagans further celebrated spring by painting eggs in spring-like colors. But the Christian missionaries were not about to destroy this pagan tradition and alienate the "lost souls." Christian missionaries were said to celebrate this festival as well, skillfully using the comradeship to minister to them, trying to convert them.


A German lady friend of mine who now lives in Vienna said she remembers being taught that in the 1700s the Germans brought the symbol of the rabbit to America. She is aware of stories of how the German people started to make nests for the Easter bunny the night before. Nowhere, however, can we find why tradition has this Easter Bunny bringing the delicious baskets of chocolate, gifts most of us so anxiously looked forward to as children.


So now we know, at least part of it. I myself am hung up on the chocolate!
Here is a fun place to go for Easter facts-n-funstuff


Listening to 2004 Grammy Winners CD

Poetry in Motion


Another thing I was inspired to write over the past weekend is a love Poem. I am not good at it, here is my first attempt.


Ode to Joe


Early in the mornings
I love my cup o' joe.
Afternoons and evenings,
A Cuban Cortidito.


Carmel Macchiato
Or a Cafe' au lait,
In a hill of coffee beans
Would I love to play.


Give it to me Mocha
On ice or frozen,
With whip cream topping
And the sprinkles I've chosen.


Expresso, Cappaccino
Or a Colada,
With 2 equals and creamer
Yumm! Why I outta,


Go to Starbucks or Caribou
Order Italian or Arabian,
Maybe African, Irish
Cuban or Columbian.


So now I close
I have to go,
Indulge in a cup
Of good ol' joe.


Listening to Hilary Duff.....

It's Raining Men!
well not exactly


Want to know about Moi'?
Then lets check out my desk. I have 2 fox statues, stackable men, artificial flowers, an in box with assorted current projects in it, a pack of vitamins, post it notes of various colors, an external CD Drive hooked up to my laptop, my water glass, my coffee mug, everest gum, phone call pad, 2 folders of issues, my cell phone, a paper clip, and the Essential Desk Reference set, and of course my laptop.


Yes I said I have stackable men. LOL! Here is the story:


My sister and I where shopping in Florida, at a quaint little town of antique shops. I like to pick some little something up to represent everywhere that I visit but don't live. We had been in many stores and found nothing. Now to get the humor in this, you have to know me and my sister. She was the first to find her purchase. A small china cow creamer. We laughed and laughed about "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!"
My sister bought the cow.
I came across wooden stackable men. We had a good laugh at this one. We laughed and laughed again. What better way to have a man! 6 men in one! They are always dressed nice and don't talk back! How else would you want them?
The cashier just couldn't understand what was so funny. We tried explaining both stories to her. She just didn't get it. But are we suprised she didn't? It takes a special breed to understand my sisters and my humor! (Right 1F?) Anyway turns out they are the wooden Russian dolls. I forget the name, I am sure my sister remembers. Turns out they are Russian Leaders starting with Gorby.
Next time we will explore the drawer I affectionately call Marti-Mart.


Listening to Joss Stone....

I Am Now Dr. Doolittle!
I met an interesting new friend this weekend, a Siamese cat. Her name has Chi-ling. How do I know? She told me so. Let me tell you about us meeting.


There I was on this past fine Saturday morning, minding my own business, having a morning cup o' joe on the back porch. Enjoying a little quiet time if you will, a time when nature is at it's finest. Across the yard is a vacant lot, not yet built on, and a little behind on someone mowing and trimming. The weeds are about 3 feet tall. I noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye and there she was, sneaking across her yard towards the vacant lot. I watched her, she was on a mission, sneaking up on something, I was not sure what. I saw her enter what must be a jungle to her and she disappeared.
In a bit she peeked out of the feline forest and saw me looking at her. She wandered over to where I was sitting.
"Hi! I my name is Chi-ling and I couldn't help but notice you staring at me. See anything that interested you?" She said with a slight laugh.
I looked at my coffee, then at her again, wondering if I had accidently grabbed the Baileys instead of the creamer.
"Yes I am talking to you!" She stated. "What is it with you humans? I had to quit talking to my human. She started walking around the house when I did talk to her with her hands on her ears going la la la la la la."
"I was just noticing you sneaking up on something," I answered with a bit of surprise, "And wondered what you where after."
"Oh, just an annoying lizard. He had been teasing me through the window all night. When my human let me out, pay back was hell buddy!" She said. "He just thought he was safe! He had the nerve to think he was going to disappear into the field! I showed him! I snuck up on him and gave him a good one two. I have him back here, do you want to see?" She started to turn and head back to the field.
"Oh my god no!" I replied, "That is GROSS!"
"Well I think my human will think so too, but I have to do something to get her going. I am going to take it back in my mouth then beg to be let in the house." She laughed as she spoke, "That should start her day well!"
"You where in that field quite a long time," I asked, "What else did you do in there or did it take you that long to beat the lizard?"
"It did not," She said quite indignantly, "I got him in the first few seconds he entered! There were quite a few things to capture my attention while I was in there. I saw the ant farm commune. I never quite get that whole action, all playing follow the leader, single file, one by one. What is the fun in that? I had to pretend I was looking for something I buried and throw a little dirt their way. When I sat the Lizard down, they started coming my way! I was like no way! I did all the hard work, you are NOT getting my lizard! Fend for yourselves!"
"I bet they appreciated that!" I said to Chi-ling. "What else did you see?"
"Well the Dung Beetle family was all up doing their business. Crappy existence if you ask me. What kind of thing to teach your kids, rolling excrement!" She said shaking her head. "Then I saw a snake. He was being rather lazy and sunning himself in a warm spot. The taste of snakes in my mouth disgusts me or I would have been bringing him back to my human," She laughed, "So I just teased him a bit and stalked him in circles, you know they have limited vision and he was rather mad that he had to keep moving his head to watch me. I tired of that rather quickly and I smelled an aroma that my human sometime partakes of, so I was following my nose. That is when I saw you staring at me. Don't you have anything better to do?"
"Well right at this moment no," I said.
"Obviously!. Well I am off to entertain my human," She said as she trotted off. She looked back over her shoulder and yelled, "Hey, by the way, get a life!" Then she started laughing. I could hear her laughing all the way back to the vacant lot. She was mumbling under her breath. I couldn't quite catch what she was saying, but I did hear the words stupid and humans. I watched her disappear into the tall weeds.
What a way to start my day. I don't dare tell anyone. Who would believe me?

Isn't it Ironic, Don't You Think


That I lived in Florida for 3 years and never layed out on the beach, or by the pool, or went to a tanning salon. I got a spray on tan once. I move to North Carolina and now I am a member of a tanning salon...


things that make you go hummmmm.


listening to Alanis Morissette, now that is ironic

TGIF!!!!


When you get a a chance check out teh link to Satan's Laudromat on the left. It is a photo blog from New York. Some of his pictures are really cool. But then we all know M loves New York!!!!


I want to change my blog template a little and need some advice and or direction. I want to do 2 things
1) Add a search window
2) add drop down menus to move my links to. I would like them under my Heading.


I could redo the whole thing but I really like where I have gotten it so far. If you have any nuggets of wisedom, shoot me an e mail at mddcfox at AOL dot com. Please give it a subject heading on the subject line so I don't think it is crap mail and flush it without reading it.


Very inspired by the morning sun this morning. Will try to put it into words later today.


Listening to Hoobustank

So It's April Fools Is it...

Me, myself and I have been trying to team up and think of something to do to my boss today. It is so weird having one that would think that kind of thing was funny. But we are brain dead, at least right now. Maybe we can think better after a second cup o' joe...


A few quotes for this day of fools:


One for the masses;
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
Mark Twain


One for the Media;
If a million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
Anatole France


One for Politicians;
You don't have to fool all the people all of the time, you just have to fool enough to get elected.
Gerald Barzan


One for the writers in all of us;
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Frank Lloyd Wright
*note - he is also one of my favorite architects...


Soooo...
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
Mark Twain


Listening to the Bob and Sheri show........AGAIN!!!

Don't Fear the Reefer - (oopsies i mean reaper) -


Today T, W and I went to a head shop at lunch and I got a gold belly button ring. T said it was the cheapest place in town. And the term ring is kind of misleading as I wear belly bar bell... so anyway.. gotta change that out tonight. WOO HOO.
Head shop. That name could mean many things ;-) (Chinese dialect) Mister, you wannie some head? Five dolla', five dolla', me love you long time. Or (uptown dialect) Today I think I will purchase a new head. I am tired of this one, it is getting a little wrinkled. Or (valley dude dialect) I need some new head(ers) for my hotrod dude...totally.
When I was young a head shop was a place to score drug paraphernalia and if you where of the type drugs also. I wasn't of the type but the majority of my friends were, I mean come on, I was a teen of the 70's. I won't lie and tell you that I never tried anything. One of the big drugs of the times was marijuana, or as many called it mary jane, pot, reefer, weed, bud, smoke, joints. (The other big drugs where anything in the uppers or the downers group, lol ) So anyway, all my friends smoked mary jane. Columbian was the "weed" of choice at the time. They ranged at my school from the honor student to the football players and cheerleaders to the worst kid in class. One of my friend's parents, in the group I hung out with, had a place at the lake. We used to go out there and hang on the weekends and in the summer. It was the place of choice where my group smoked. They were always asking me if I wanted to try. I always said no. Until one day, that little devil was sitting on my shoulder and she poked me one to many times with her pitchfork. Damn her. So I inhaled, (unlike Clinton) and I got nothing, nadda, zero, zilch out of it. Never felt the urge again. I didn't bug my friends about doing it, they didn't bug me about not doing it.
So I just got way off track about today's adventure.
Now a head shop is all incense, body jewelry, discount clothes (uh huh, I SAW the purple men's dress slacks, and they hurt my eyes. I was blinded.) The shop was run by Samirh, he hates Americans. I get told this after I bought this belly button ring/barbell. I think I wanna kick T's butt for not telling me that pre-purchase. (insert politically incorrect profiling comment here) So now I have running thru my mind all the things he could have done to it. I am not so sure I want it anymore!!! OMG what if it has anthrax? Or is self-destructing based on the warmth of a human body!! This bellybutton ring will self-destruct in 20 seconds, 19, 18, 17..LOL.
In celebration I eat only the red M&Ms today...

Raindrops Keep Fallin' on my Head


hummmm. My window is open and I can see that it's a rainy day. I can sure think of a lot of places I would rather be than at work. Like snuggled up with my honey, unfortunately, Uncle Sam, nor the electric company have the same thoughts I do. So back to the grind.


listening to Macy Grey

Wait a Minute Mr. Postman...
My blog has also being visited by some people in foreign countries. Let me give a shout out to:
Canada - Hey!
UK - Hello
Germany - Guten Tag
Australia - Good Day Mate
Poland - Dzien dobry
Kuwait - Gowa Marheba
Malaysia- Salama
Barbados - Bonjour
Italy - Buon giorno
Japan - Moshi moshi
For this reason I broke down and added a guestmap. SOOOOO PLEASE go to the top left, view my map and mark your place on it!!!
Tell me who you are! give me a shout out!

Listening to Los Lonely Boys..........

Everybody Thinks they are a Poet!
including me hahahaha!

Ever since B2K had written the Haiku poem about me, I have been intrigued and reading up on Haiku. I am not Chinese, nor am I sure I get it, but here is goes;


My Cat(s)


The human is home
Let me walk away,
See me turn my head, act indignant.


Here she comes
Talking kitty talk,
I do not see you, but I hear you.


OH! Scratch me there
Little higher,
See my butt in the air!


She is typing, working,
Lets see her work
With me sitting on her hand.


My human is being smothered
by a magazine
Let me rescue her!


She has gone to bed
Lights are out,
Time for tag kitty! Race ya!


I think I will bathe,
something's in my throat,
cough, cough, look a present for the human!


Morning time!
shhhh let's watch,
My toy mouse is in the shower!


OK enough already
your face looks fine,
Feed me stupid human!


She goes to work
I must sleep,
and prepare for tonights games!


Listening to Toby Lightman

HUMMM


Is it just me or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. Also they track her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.

The solution is to give every illegal alien a cow.

Random Thoughts for Today

(8:23) Why do I STILL cry at the end of "Youve Got Mail"? It isnt like I don't know what is going to happen.
(9:57) S passed her drivers test today.
(10:53) lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala
(12:46) Why am I getting those funny symbols when I use quotation marks or appostrophe? Any one have any ideas? Samples don't or He said "Stop"! OMG it didn't do it... nevermind
(1:34) If a woodchuck could chuck wood, Would a woodchuck chuck wood? And why do I care?
(mltpl X's) The weekend won't get here soon enough for me.
(2:13) I have to run to Greensboro after work and get my enlargements. My pictures, not body parts, those are big enough.
(2:14) Speaking off frontal appendages, mine match my hair after being a weiner yesterday. Look! I am color coordinated! My Skin matches my hair!
(3:44) Oracle SUCKS!
(4:28) And I am serious about this one,
I think I can answer people problem questions as well as Dr Phil. have you listened to that guy? Sheeesh!
Let's test me, e-mail me your questions, lets see how I do.

Today I went to the NCDMV
Sounds like a social disease doesnt it. Or a really big shot for one.


Might as well have gotten a shot. I was a nervous as if I was going to the doctor, (or pick you own analogy here, I can think of many). Several of the girls at work had been telling me about how they didnt pass the test and having to go 2 and 3 times. I just knew I was joining that elite group. Dont ask why.
To transfer your license here you have to take a test on road signs and a written test. Dont ask why…
S and I where there early and first in line. Some lady tried to cut in line but I fixed her! I get called by Mr Sign In Man and told to sit here. There Mr Computer Man takes all my information and starts typing into the computer. He would pause and look at me, then type some more. Then he did the one raised eyebrow thing, looked at me and then the screen. He makes a face like OH I saw what you did.
I am thinking, that is it, I am going to jail. He sees something about me in there! Dont ask why, I dont know. I must be feeling guilty for something lol.
He looks at my hair, goes uh huh red, types that in…
He looks at my eyes, goes uh huh blue, types that in.
He looks at my license, goes 5 foot 4, you look taller than that, types that in.
I didnt dare say I think I am closer to 5 foot 6. Maybe if they do show up to arrest me I can say that is not me, I am 5 foot 6, and get off on a technicality.
He tells me to switch chairs and read the last line in the little vision machine.
Now I have my mono-vision contacts in and I had to shut one eye but I guess I passed. Then he switches the screen and says read the road signs. I do. I pass that part Whew! Actually it was a no-brainer as they all said what they were. Now he moves me over to the computer area, gets me set up to take the written portion. 25 questions, you have to get 20 or more right to pass. And actually it is a touch screen test.


So I am tooling along answering the questions, I am up to 10 and have missed one. Ok I am thinking, I can get this. I get up to 15 and I have 2 wrong. OK, I am thinking, take your time, you can do this. I get to 20 and I have 3 wrong. I am thinking what is wrong with me? I am a total dumbass! This shit reminds me of Algebra, what use in life does it really have??? I get to 25 and I have 4 wrong. 83% WooHoo! So get shifted to a new chair and told to wait again. Dont ask me why as 3 of them are standing in a group and talking. NOT about the DMV that was for sure.


Ok, one of the Mr Official Man calls me over to HIS chair and tells me he can help me. I move to his area, sit down, and he continues his conversation for like 5 more minutes with the group. Finally he takes all my info AGAIN. Dont ask me why. I am thinking, the other dude already did all that. He enters everything in AGAIN. Asks me about Texas (snicker!!!) and tells me about the area here, where I should go, what I should see, etc. AND he keeps my Texas license, my last true proof I was a Texan once. (sigh) Oh and he asks me if I know I have to wear my contacts when I drive. DUH!!!! STOP, Dont ask.. Then I get told to go to another chair and wait to have my picture made. Remember this a room about the size of your living room. I can see all of them and they can see me.


So now Mr Photo Man is on the phone and waves me over. (Look! Mr Photo Man has 2 jobs. He is also Mr Sign In Man!) I go over and he hands me a pen, while still talking to his sweetie on the phone, and points to a slip of paper that says sign name here. So I do. He gets off the phone, tells me to sit back in the chair and smile. I asked him if I could make a face. He looks at me with a scowl. (OH OH, I have dared to be funny at the DMV). He tells me no I cant make a face, that I should smile. His gruff return actually made me laugh. Flash I get my picture taken. That’s a good one he says, then guess what. He tells me to take yet another chair and wait for my license. There I get to hear some random dude bitch about having to wait and it was not his fault, blah blah. I must have looked like I cared. Dont ask me why. In a few the Mr Photo Man brings me my license. I like him now cause I can can get away from Mr. Bitchy man. And that is pretty cool that I got my license right then and there. Llast time I got my license in Texas it took 2 weeks to get it in the mail, today I left with it.


So now I am official here in NC. And valid thru my birthdate in 2010. WOO HOO

To celebrate for lunch I was a wiener. (see Monday March 15th)

Oh and my picture that he said was a good one? I look like I have been on a 3 day drunk, we WILL NOT be showing that one around.

I Thought of You Today


It was large, dark.
As I placed a small part of it in my mouth.
Its taste made me smile and feel warm all over.
It sent waves of pleasure though my senses.
I hold it there, in my mouth, letting it warm up.
Melting on my tongue.
Ahhh the powers of Dark Chocolate.


What did YOU think I meant?

Not to copy Spam Poetry, but I thought the way these 3 spam mails came into my mail box is just 2 funny
1) Maximum Strength Johnson Stretcher
2) CIO rated out preform
3) Massive profits are easy

OH and check out butt flies. They made me LMAO

For the Captain

Ffffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt ffffzzzzzt ffffffffffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.

Spring has Sprung!
and been dug up by myself and my partner in crime


Or I am going to Flower Hell
S and I walk almost every night. We had been noticing a lot on our walk that has been recently bull dozed. It is an ugly sight, muddy wth downed trees. The land torn up by bulldozers' track wheels.
But
Yes there is that preverbial but...
Right at the edge is a row of daffodils that survived.
So S and I where like hummm. They are just gonna be destroyed anyway. So, we make plans to gather at 9 Friday night, take my truck, a shovel, a bucket and give them a loving home.
9 PM comes, I hear my doorbell ring and open the door thinking it is S. No one is there. Weird. I hear S. and I ask her if she rang my door bell. She says no she just got outside, but she did hit her door bell whens he was coming out with the shovel and bucket. She goes back and rings hers again (she lives next door), her door bell goes off and my doorbell goes off. We laugh our a**es off. We are cursed by the flower spirit!
But it does not stop us. So off we go. Right past the lot, is a vacant home. We decide to descretely park there. S is armed with the shovel, I have the bucket and flashlight and off we go. It was DA-ARK as there are no street lights there. We walk up to the flowers, I spot them with the flashlight, put the bucket down at my side and will be damned if I don't hear a car! I turn the flashlight off right quick and say what was that? (original I know), but it was a false alarm. I hear S slice the ground with the shovel and a thunk noise. The bucket at my feet shakes. I turn the flashlight back on and S has already gotten a big spade ful of the flowers and chunked it in the bucket. I was like DAMN GIRL!! We walk the line of flowers and fill the bucket. When we are done, we both grab a side of the bucket and start running back to the the truck laughing hysterically. (And yes, I even snorted). I have the flashlight on and it is making wild patterns as I try to balance my half of the bucket weight. We would not make good thieves, but it will make for a good memory!

A Day at my Job


I work in the lively world of accounting. Yes I am a numbers pusher. I push them from one side of my desk, then back. And yes I make the little motor noises too!
I was having a really good day today until the multi number crash. The number ten, (and we all know how number ten is, rounding things up by tenths), ran into the back of number seven while trying to get on the stapler expressway. Number seven went to spinning like a lucky pull at a slot machine in Vegas, and spun right into number 44. They ended up in front of the Tape Dispenser truck stop. After that I lost count of the damages as the numbers kept adding and adding into the carnage. It reminded me of the day my adder paper hung in the calculator, it was absolute mayhem.
Then I had to call an ambulance and things went downhill from there. The ambulance had a hard time getting to the site for all the numbers over 70 driving slow in the fast lane. (Freakin old numbers, they need to stay home!) Then the ambulance could not get close for all the numerical bystanders and gawkers. Why would you want to look at the multiple numeric gore? I just dont get it. They need to subtract themselves, and get out of the way.
Divide and conquer! I heard the ambulance driver yell while trying to part the crowd. . As the emergency workers walked up to the scene all I could hear was a banged up number one yelling Me first, me first! I would like to kick him in his fraction.
Needless to say things have not gone well the rest of the day. I have not gotten one percent of my work done.


Listening to Beyonce - Me, Myself and I

Political Commentary from a Middle of the Roader


I try to keep things light here in my blog but there was a story on the local news last night that really disturbs me. It is about Billy Yow a local official.
Last spring, yes last spring mind you, he had a run in with the NAACP. They asked for his resignation blah blah (read the story, you gotta read the story). Now apparently this guy, this elected official, is holding a grudge. How good can this be? I saw him on TV. he is dead serious about all this. There has been a t-shirt made with a little white guy holding a confederate flag, and peeing on the logo of the NAACP. And he wants to say, here a year later, and re-election time, that this was not a publicity ploy? Come on, how stupid does he think we are? And that is even an open-ended question, as 1/3 of the population here never completed high school. To even add to those worries, the company that made the shirt is selling them as far off as California. Are we supposed to give him credit as he supported a black man, Willie Best, who is not in the NAACP to Guilford County Manager? Is he not doing the same thing he thinks the NAACP is doing to him? What happened to best man for the job?
Now do not get me wrong. I do not agree with everything the NAACP does. But do I have too? Do you have too? I think not.
I also don’t agree with everything the republicans are about, or the democrats, the Baptists, the Methodists or Malcolm X to name a few. I also agree with very little our current president is about and I am from Texas.
I agree with NOTHING the KKK is about.
Hell I dont even agree with everything my friends think and I do not expect you to agree with everything I think. Diversity is what this free world is all about. You dont see me making t-shirts of a little guy peeing on any of the aforementioned organizations.
At times like these I feel like John Stossel.
Give me a break!
Except I want to shout out,
Grow up!
now gotta go lock my door and load my gun in case anyone from around these parts reads this. lol

spatial (spa'shel) adj. - Of or pertaining to space
lol

So OK I fell for it. I took an IQ test on tickle.com


PHD test, equivalent to the Mensa type tests it says. Blah Blah
I said to myself
self, what the hay!!!
I had to think, it was not easy. they say the average score is 100
here is what I scored - with some notes -
131
We also compared your answers with others who have taken the test, and according to the sorts of questions you got correct, we can tell your Intellectual Type is an Insightful Linguist.

This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

Insightful Linquist – Charles Dickens
Now for 9.95 I can get the full 15 page report. WHAT??aww now come on.
what good did I do? 131 might as well be a 1 and who knows it could be...
but guess what. I fell for it again. I took 4 more tests!
So who had the last laugh here?

Top O the mornin to ya


Today I am going to annoy everyone and speak with an Irish accent. A brogue if you will. And I am going to introduce myself as Patty O Clover.
I can not drink green beer as I live in a dry town, so to compensate I am going to drink green tea. Think that counts? I am going to wear green, break out my claddagh, and look for my 4-leaf clover, and eat cabbage and corned beef. I know, some of those are not true Irish traditions.


If you feel so inclined here is a few web sights for ya
St Patricks Day in Ireland (has St. Patricks Day e-cards…)
History of St Patrick
claddagh symbol


And an Irish Joke for your amusement.


An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
So, says the cop to the driver, where have you been?
Why I have been to the pub of course, slurs the drunk.
Well, says the cop, it looks like you have had quite a few drinks this evening.
I did alright, the drunk says with a smile.
Did you know, says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?
Oh thank goodness, sighs the drunk, for a minute there, I thought I had gone deaf!


So cheers to all things Irish! And let us not forget… Luck O the Irish to ya.

My day in a Nursery Rhyme

Buzz buzz buzz
What is that buzz in my head?
Buzz buzz buzz!
But I like my bed!


Stupid alarm clock!


I can not see!
What can it be?
I need my contacts
To see me!


Oh there I am!


My face is on
Then I start to dress
I am done! Complete!
Let me leave this mess!


Where are my keys!!


I arrive at work
Settle into my office
Glass of water
And some coffee


(what rhymes with office?)


I push numbers all day
I look for my money,
If you can not get it with meanness
Get it with honey..


Yeah I am full of it!


Look! Oh Look!
It’s 5 O clock
Of staying much after
I try not to take stock


I come in at 7 and usually work thru lunch..,OK!!!!


The office has a gym
And there I work out,
Lost 2 more pounds
Hear me shout!


Off to home I go
Via errands and such
Shower , internet and
try not to do much


so there you have it
in a nut shell
what else do I do?
Only time will tell!

Hot Dogs, Armor Hot dogs, what kind of kids eat Armor Hot Dogs

Today I was a weiner. Not physically mind you.
I decided to re-enter to world of tanning via machinery. It reminds me of the little cookers we used when I was in fast food to prepare wieners. Lay wieners in, turn on, lid down, quick cook. Viola! Hot wieners ready to be consumed.
I decided to do this as I would really like to wear shorts this summer and not freak everyone out with my white sheath we shall call my skin. (Look out! Turn your head! Put on your shades! Here she comes!) Do not even attempt to lie, everyone looks better with a little color we all know that. My Irish definitely shows in my skin.
I started slow. 10 minutes. I purchased the required tanning bed safe accelerator lotion stuff, slathered up and I turn it in, in I go, lid down and I cook! Viola I am ready for human consumption. Oh wait, I am not a hot dog, I am not a hot dog. OK better. Alas, right now I am feeling a little burn this evening. And we are not talking about my workout after work. My butt is tingling right now, my tummy is pink and I would kill to be able to put some lotion on my back. Ok let me say put it on my back easily. I can contort myself as I am double jointed but your appendages just do not work as well when they are in un-natural positions. (There is another thought, I should blog about my double-jointed adventures in life.)
Ahhh the things we to look good.

Butt-burningly,

red right now on more than the head!

TGIF !
going to work on getting out of my creative dry spell this weekend...


in the interim.. check out some new links on the left I have. First there is Cooking with Amy. An interesting blog on cooking and things related. I have added a photo album and posted some of my photography. And of course it is great! lol
Also are links for fun stuff and the alligator farm.
Fun stuff will get you our horoscope and interesting mindless stuff
alligator farm is a REALLY cool place if you ever visit the St. Augustine area you have to see.. It also has a web cam of the aviary section in real time..
And please check in on Cult of Jef. His writing is really getting good!


Oh and need a good mindless timeconsuming thing to do while you while away your Friday at work? don't we all! Check out Workhates posting for staplers.. visit the site and staple your heart out... it has stapler poetry and letters... funny! I myself like the big silver stapler..


I am going exploring this weekend in the area, particularly Sunday, and hope to be inspired by natures beauty.. that should get the creative ( ok my sarcastic humor) back!!! Been needing a thinkless adventure...

listening to (sorta) the Bob and Sheri show...........

This is the dawning of the age of aquarius.. the age of aquarius
I like to read my horoscope. I take it all quite in stride that is is for humor mostly. But I find the majority of the description of a particular sign to actually be pretty close to right. weird isn't it!
I am a Cancer. so here it goes.


It's easy to spot a Cancer by their round faces. That physical characteristic reflects the soft, affectionate nature of this sign.
Whaddaya saying that I am fat? Come here let me kiss ya
Cancers are very much about home and security and nurture.
If this where true I would work for ADT
The crab can be a bit of a packrat, because he or she may attach emotional value to things others may consider junk.
Anyone been to my house?
They can be overly emotional, and they tend to fantasize about the past and what it meant for them.
Jeez! I am not! And my past is my past. Oh if only I had not done that when I was young I would not be where I am today, oh wait
Cancers are incredibly loyal as mates, but don't ever tell them what to do.
The sun rises and falls at your feet but tell me what to do and I will tell you where to go.
Sometimes Cancer is very sociable, but sometimes they need their alone time.
Wanna plan a party? Get the hell away from me
This sign is very giving, but has a tough time receiving the generosity of others.
I would give you anything, (well almost - minds people!), including the shirt off my back..
Because of their nurturing qualities, they are great at jobs in which they take care of others, such as nursing.
No way this is true. I can not stand the sight of blood..
Cancers are prone to all sorts of illness, but female crabs should pay special attention to their reproductive systems.
illness I refuse to believe this is so! brb gotta make a doctor appointment
Famous Cancers include Princess Diana, Nelson Mandela and Mike Tyson.
I am a beautiful neurotic, ear biting, freedom fighter! Look out world!
Listening to Toby Lightman and yes again!

Too funny not to share

A three year old boy in his bath examined his testicles and asked,

"Mommy, are these my brains?"

Mom said, "Not yet, honey."

That is what Astroglide is for

I have done a lot of things in my life but tonight I had a first. One of my friends from Florida has been waiting to be a grandmother. Tonight, I "sat" on IM with her while she awaited the news. She goes to bed early as she rises early. I am doing my best to keep her awake. When the news finally comes.. well, here is an exerpt:

K: I'm trying very hard not to SIT!
K: I Am now a grandma!!!!!!!!!
Me: OMG
Me: Congrats
Me: are they on the phone?
K: Yep!
K: 7 pounds 7 oz.
K: 20-1/4 inches long
Me: awwwwwwww
K: long fingers, long feet
Me: your a granny
K: no hair!

then we went back to our usual conversation on republicans, dumb people, and the many uses for our word of the night. Oh what she has to teach that child...
They are sending her video via the web. Isn't that amazing. I remember when I was little we watched black and white TV. I remember the first TV show to be in color? Do You?
right as she signed off I got this:
K: OMG
Me: what
K: I'm a grandma!
K: hahahahaha
K: OLD BITCH!

Grandmothers, aren't they grand!!!

Listening to Toby Lightman

Somebody loose their mummy?

Can you imagine being in a place where there is no more room for mummies? So in peru, finding mega mummies is normal. ordinary.

interesting.

and so is this bit of news... what they think her stepping down is going to help the company? anything with her name on now is doomed. why? has her quality in towels gone down now that she is going to the big house? has her ability to decorate and accentuate changed? I don't think so. To me she just has a new challenge to make black white and orange exciting! Rumor has it she is a bitch and is demanding. Now she has been convicted of insider trading. DAMN HER! I think i will go undo any bit of decorating I have done with a glue gun and some pine cones.

Listening to me shredding all my copies of Martha's Magazines

Belly Buttons Explained

Q: How do babies get their belly buttons?

A: When God finishes making little babies, He lines them all up in a row. Then he walks along in front of them. He pokes each one in the tummy with His finger and says, You are done and you are done and you are done"

I prefer the theory my grandfather explained to me when I was little.. "That is where the indian shot ya." He used to say. I believed him. Grandfathers are God when you are little. My grandfather also used to show me how his ears could wiggle and pull quarters out of my ears.
listening to Six Feet under

Jailhouse Rock
Wonder what goes with black and white stripes? Guess we are fixing to find out!

I like Kosher Dills
Oh and check out my link to pickle juice on the left. My kinda gal.
Funny, sarcatic, witty.. and she has linked to me...
I am honored..
oh yeah I am at work I gotta go
go work on my blog lol

It's a beautiful day...
I am hearing strong rumblings that the man who dealt me so much misery earlier this week is no longer with the company.
Dare I pray that it is true? If it is announced I am going home and digging out my rockem sockem robots and guess who the loser is!!

Well i am branded. or tattoo'd if you will.
He did a really good job. As soon as I can I will have t take a picture and post it. So if any of my family looses me, or I forget who I am and am found wandering. I will be identifiable. I can see it now on the news. Found wandering a very white woman with red hair and stars on her ass. If this human is yours please call 333-323-4567. News at 11..... lol

I took longer than he said. mainly because we where all talking. I found out a little more about him than I wanted to know though. He likes to suck his girlfriends toes and has a foot fetish. There are just somethings about some people you don't want to know. (Right J?) Like my tattoo artist sucks toes. He told T to go home and tell her husband, "Suck my toes damn it". And he said you have to say damn it.

We also had a conversation about judging people. He feels he gets judged all the time. He is pretty much tattoo'd all over and has those big thiings in his ears that make your lobes bigger. He also had a piercing thru his nose up by his eyes. He was very nice though. He said he hates meeting parents. I can imagine! T said she would like to think she wouldn't be taht way but if she thought about it, and she had a daughter, she probably would be judgemental. I offered no opinion. I would like to think I wouldn't be either. I have raised my son to be very open to all people. I don't know...

What is your first reaction when you see someone like that? Do you have a quick mental minute of OMG? Do you think, gotta be on drugs? Do you think, there's a nice looking young man or woman with quarter size holes in their ears?

Enough of being philosophical...

Did I say he did a really good job? lol
I tipped him...

I have to go doctor my new "Art" now...with vaseline and saran wrap
HUmmmm now that sounds like fun!!

Listening to Princess Diana the secret tapes....

adventures in Assboro

Today we locked the keys in the car. At the cemetery. Before you go "what!!" we went there to walk..a lot of people walk there. what else are you going to do here besides visit the dead..lol I had quite the conversation with some of them they were just dying to get out of Assboro...yes I went there....So there we are. New kids in town. my phone locked in her car. my keys locked in her car.... two sets of people pull up. One in front of us and one behind. she goes one way and i go the other in search of hanger. I got lucky.. ( i mean getting a hanger...hello! minds out of the gutter please!) Oh and did I meantion that her car does not have the kind of locks that you can grab with a hanger.. but i thought i would entertain her.
But she nor I had any luck. The couple that gave us the hanger had made one loop and asked us if we wanted to use their phone and call someone.. we both looked at each other. we don't know anyone to call, we are new here. and i am sure by now they think we are a "couple". So they say we are going to make another round and will check back with you. Isn't that nice. a benefit to a small town.
She goes to the offic at the cemetery to call triple a. that was a joke. there is no triple a in assboro. but the secretary tried to sell her a plot. Now that is useful when you are locked out of your car. Why yes thank you, since I can't leave sell me a place that I can call home here.
Anyway while she is inside placing her order for a small (very small) strip of land the caretakers come over hand try their hand at it. I am scared. they got in! but never you mind!
Off I drive her car to get her.
Got to go and get some things done so I can watch Carmen and Daves wedding...

Oh and countdown to the tattoo. this time tomorrow I will be done!
and double OH, the couple didn't want their hanger back. hummmmwonder why? lol

watching kingdom hospital

Oh the shark babe, has such teeth dear And he shows them pearly white

that should have been yesterdays blog title..

So been doing some interesting reading. Seems there aren't a lot of "bloggers" out there in the total scheme of things. We are a rare breed..lol

And If you so choose, check out 100 things about me linked below archives. I uh ummm "borrowed" that idea from ac. thanks dude! It was interesting. I did the majority of them in about an hour....till about the last 8..OMG! that was hard.

Went today to check out the tattoo parlor. It is clean and pretty cool. Have my appointment Thursday at 5:30.....tick tick tick.....lol going with the one i drew with a few minor changes.....

listening to........nothing.........imagine!

Don't you know I got hheartburn, burnin in my soul
alicia keyes
I don't think my day could have been worse. the unprofessionalism at this place never ceases to amaze me.
OK it could have been worse. I could still be under you know who....
eeeeewwwww there was a visual yuck lol
so needless to say i am not to blog worthy today.
listening to the Bob and Sheri show...