And There Was A Knock At My Door


I was visited last night, yes, I was. By the white shirt, black tie via bike brigade. I saw them thru my new peephole recently installed in my door by my landlord. I usually avoid these "Ring the bell at dinner" men but I was feeling rather fiesty last night. I popped open the door with a smile and asked "Can I help you?"
They proceeded to try to sell me on their brand of religion, complete with hand outs.
"But wait!" I interrupted, "Have you tried a good moisturizer lately? Hold on I will be right back!" I turned around and headed to my make-up bag.
I saw them look at each other quizzically as I turned.
I came back with my big ol' pink bottle of Mary Kay, and before you could say "But wait, I am a man in a white shirt with black tie that just rode up on my bike to sell you religion" I squirted some on both their hands.
"Go on!" I said, "Rub it in! Feel your skin drink in the moisture! Bet you didn't realize how dry you could be by riding those Schwinns. Oh and I HOPE you are wearing helmets, there are a lot of kids in my neighborhood and you are an example for them."
They, for some reason unbeknownst to me, looked a little weirded out. One of them handed me a pamphlet and asked me to read it tonight and pray.
I smiled, with a glint in my eye and said "I pray, I pray every day that I will get the opportunity to sell someone else some Mary Kay! My pink car will be here any day! You 2 must come back and see it when I get it. It will be here Friday after next! Why, We could become a team! You 2 selling religion, and moi, selling Mary Kay! Think of the possibilities!"
They looked at each other and started backing up.
"Can I interest either of you in a little eye liner or some blush perhaps? You might not look so pale in those white shirts if you used them. You know, white is really not your color." I quipped while looking at the pale blonde guy on the left. I turned to the Italian looking one on the right, "You on the other hand, umm, white looks quite good on you! How about a little lip gloss, just a pinch, to give you that freshly kissed look!"
"Uhm, ma'am, we aren't supposed to look freshly kissed." They stepped down one step.
I stepped out the door, pink bottle in one hand, religious flyer in the other. "Oh I am so sorry to hear that. We have a great line of bath products! Wouldn't that be nice after a day of pedaling religion."
They turned around now and were headed towards their bikes. "Thank you ma'am, and No thank you, we have to go now!"
"Be sure you visit my neighbor S, she is bi-polar, has a migraine and menopause today. I KNOW she could use some religion 'bout now!"
They never looked back as they rode off into the sunset, away from S's or my home. I think S and I will NOT be having THOSE visitors again! Anything I can do for my neighborhood!
Ah, yes, another day, another goal accomplished!