Friday, September 29, 2006

Friday's Funnies

A short story

Man driving down road.

Woman driving up same road.

They pass each other.

The woman yells out the window, PIG!

Man yells out window, B I T C H!

Man rounds next curve.

Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road, and dies.

Thought for The Day: If only men would listen....

Saturday, September 23, 2006

I LOVE this chick!

Check her out...

Wish I could have thought of these!

AWESOME!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Friday's Funnies

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes and he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. Let's see what else, Oh, you'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage and the starting salary is $200,000 a year.

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Nova Scotia 2005


2005_0903Image0029
Originally uploaded by marticagle.

these are older pics but I just got them uploaded and it was such a beautiful place!

Flickr

This is a test post from flickr, a fancy photo sharing thing.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

DUBYA

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing, and landed in the creek below

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful, he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kids said, " I want to go to Disneyland" George W. said "No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One"

The second kid said, " I want a pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George W. said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid says, " I want a motorized wheelchair with a build in TV and stereo headset!"

George W. was a little perplexed by this and said, " But you don't look like you are handicapped?"

The kid replied, " I will be, after my Dad finds out I saved your ass".


Friday, September 08, 2006

Genie in a Bottle

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.
"I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"Really? Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

Thursday, September 07, 2006

It's Back To School Time!

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you Know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math
teacher."