A redneck was stopped by a game warden in North Carolina recently with two ice
chests of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing. The game
warden asked The man,
"Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand
these here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" said the game warden.
"Ya. Every night I take these here fish down to da lake and let them swim
'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat back into this here
ice chest and I take them home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden.
The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said,
"It's the truth Mr. Government man, I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay," said the game warden, " I've GOT to see this!"
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes the game warden turned to him and said,
"Well?"
"Well, what?" said the redneck.
The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?"
The redneck said, "Call who back?"
"The FISH!" replied the warden.
"What fish?" answered the redneck.
We in North Carolina may not be as smart as some city slickers but we aren't as
dumb as most government employees.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Personality Test
OMG IT'S ME!!!
| Your Personality Is |
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours. |
Friday, March 31, 2006
Friday's Funnies
BLONDE WITH A CELL PHONE
This will make all you technologically challenged people feel GOOD.
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice
for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone.
He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her
astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how
do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a
bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though...!"
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
This will make all you technologically challenged people feel GOOD.
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice
for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone.
He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her
astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how
do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a
bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though...!"
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
Friday, March 03, 2006
Friday's Funnies
Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidel s, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."
Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The American engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's 5000 feet high,500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."
The American engineer says, "Fill it with water."
Pooooof! End of story
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidel s, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."
Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The American engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's 5000 feet high,500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."
The American engineer says, "Fill it with water."
Pooooof! End of story
Monday, February 27, 2006
Cukes and Onions
The hub and I both like to cook and at first this diet was really trying us. Being the "country folk" we are, everything was fried, or sauteed in real butter, or smothered in... well you get the picture..
So now we experiment with herbs (no salt or minimal salt), I can't believe it's not butter.... spray.. And yes I can believe it is not butter..
Anyway, we decided to try cucumbers and onions in vinegar and splenda. (Now that's some expensive shit! Splenda that is) First we try to decide how much of it to use in lue of regular sugar... The package said "This box equivalent to 2 lbs of sugar" but also says measure the same as sugar. I am thinking not just no but HELL NO! not at that price!
so we settle on 1/2 cup to 1 cup of vinegar.. I measure the splenda out, careful to not loose a lite puff of it and dump it in the mixing bowl. The hub measures the vinegar and pours it in and states, "WHOA! We have a reaction here." The splenda and vinegar made quite the foam! We pour it over the cucumbers and onions and let it marinade overnight. Tonight we sampled it. It was pretty good but I couldn't help envisioning the foaming concoction we made the night before and wondering if in a minute or two I would grab my throat and start gasping for air.
Ah the joys of chemistry and cooking!
I locked the splenda back in the safe too..
So now we experiment with herbs (no salt or minimal salt), I can't believe it's not butter.... spray.. And yes I can believe it is not butter..
Anyway, we decided to try cucumbers and onions in vinegar and splenda. (Now that's some expensive shit! Splenda that is) First we try to decide how much of it to use in lue of regular sugar... The package said "This box equivalent to 2 lbs of sugar" but also says measure the same as sugar. I am thinking not just no but HELL NO! not at that price!
so we settle on 1/2 cup to 1 cup of vinegar.. I measure the splenda out, careful to not loose a lite puff of it and dump it in the mixing bowl. The hub measures the vinegar and pours it in and states, "WHOA! We have a reaction here." The splenda and vinegar made quite the foam! We pour it over the cucumbers and onions and let it marinade overnight. Tonight we sampled it. It was pretty good but I couldn't help envisioning the foaming concoction we made the night before and wondering if in a minute or two I would grab my throat and start gasping for air.
Ah the joys of chemistry and cooking!
I locked the splenda back in the safe too..
Friday, February 24, 2006
Friday's Funnies
The Old Preacher
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and the attorney were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and the attorney were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."
Thursday, February 23, 2006
One F, I ate that cookie!
You know you are loved when a special someone leaves you a comment, worrying because you haven't posted and gives you the encouraging speach to "Eat!!" LOL
Oh and Jef, I didn't eat a cookie, even though they are sure looking good!!
The diet is going well. The hub and I complete our 7th week this Saturday. We weigh in every Saturday and for the first 6 weeks he has lost 25 lbs and I have lost 14.5 lbs. At the 4 week mark they measure us and the hub lost 23 inches and I lost 23 inches!! WOO HOO!!
She asked if we could tell it in our clothes yet and unfortunately we both said no. We REALLY should have bought bigger sizes but refused to do so!
Believe me.. it wasn't a pretty sight!
BUT, now I can't wait to lose another 10 lbs because then it WILL show in my clothes!
Oh and Jef, I didn't eat a cookie, even though they are sure looking good!!
The diet is going well. The hub and I complete our 7th week this Saturday. We weigh in every Saturday and for the first 6 weeks he has lost 25 lbs and I have lost 14.5 lbs. At the 4 week mark they measure us and the hub lost 23 inches and I lost 23 inches!! WOO HOO!!
She asked if we could tell it in our clothes yet and unfortunately we both said no. We REALLY should have bought bigger sizes but refused to do so!
Believe me.. it wasn't a pretty sight!
BUT, now I can't wait to lose another 10 lbs because then it WILL show in my clothes!
Saturday, January 14, 2006
One Week mark..
So today we got up early to go to the "Place of Weight Loss" and have our first official weight in..
I had weighed at home but our scales are off..
Anyway..
I lost 5 lbs and the hub lost...
are you sitting down????
ELEVEN pounds!! Go R!
Now we go on the "official diet" as what we were doing before was kinda preping our bodies...
BUT
We have the rest of today as lean meats and veggies so we made a reservation at
B Christophers tonight, Steak and salad here we come!!
I had weighed at home but our scales are off..
Anyway..
I lost 5 lbs and the hub lost...
are you sitting down????
ELEVEN pounds!! Go R!
Now we go on the "official diet" as what we were doing before was kinda preping our bodies...
BUT
We have the rest of today as lean meats and veggies so we made a reservation at
B Christophers tonight, Steak and salad here we come!!
Friday, January 13, 2006
Friday's Funnies
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor,
overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Mid Week
K..
We have had 4 days of only being able to eat this or that, intertwined with HNS shakes and or coffees..
The hub not me... the coffee SUCKS..
Now we have 3 days of lean meats and green veggies.. (All we can eat I might add!!!)
Not sure how this going to help me lose weight...
We have had 4 days of only being able to eat this or that, intertwined with HNS shakes and or coffees..
The hub not me... the coffee SUCKS..
Now we have 3 days of lean meats and green veggies.. (All we can eat I might add!!!)
Not sure how this going to help me lose weight...
Sunday, January 08, 2006
and a freakin quarter...
The hub and I have been wanting for some time to lose weight. No, this isn't about a New Years resolution, I didn't make one.
(figured I never kept any of the others why waste the effort!)
Anyway, the hub's son M started a diet last May and has virtually lost a whole person..
Due to his modesty and not wanting to jinx himself, he wouldn't tell us were he has going. no matter how we begged. Well this last Christmas he finally told us.
No I am not telling you...
at least not yet..
Anyway we had our first meeting with "B" yesterday. We asked questions, reviewed charts, looked at hour health records and such. We asked a shit load of questions..
(took 3 hours of "B"'s time)
We signed up..
So not the fun part... measurements..I won't gross you out with those details but we can all say, "It wasn't pretty"!
Then.(hear scary music here)
THE SCALES (echo, echo, echo)
I weighted 205.25
WTF
205 is bad enough but to have to go and throw in the POINT 2 5.... Gotta little salt there to shove in that wound!
Anyway, as we knew portions, amounts were fixing to be limited, (and some things forbidden right now) We promptly left the "Place of weight loss" and went next door to Subway.
Another irony..
Subway next to the "place of weight loss"....
(figured I never kept any of the others why waste the effort!)
Anyway, the hub's son M started a diet last May and has virtually lost a whole person..
Due to his modesty and not wanting to jinx himself, he wouldn't tell us were he has going. no matter how we begged. Well this last Christmas he finally told us.
No I am not telling you...
at least not yet..
Anyway we had our first meeting with "B" yesterday. We asked questions, reviewed charts, looked at hour health records and such. We asked a shit load of questions..
(took 3 hours of "B"'s time)
We signed up..
So not the fun part... measurements..I won't gross you out with those details but we can all say, "It wasn't pretty"!
Then.(hear scary music here)
THE SCALES (echo, echo, echo)
I weighted 205.25
WTF
205 is bad enough but to have to go and throw in the POINT 2 5.... Gotta little salt there to shove in that wound!
Anyway, as we knew portions, amounts were fixing to be limited, (and some things forbidden right now) We promptly left the "Place of weight loss" and went next door to Subway.
Another irony..
Subway next to the "place of weight loss"....
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Friday, December 09, 2005
Friday's Funnies
1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you, "says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan" Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who posted the twenty different puns on her blog, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make people laugh. No pun in ten did.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you, "says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan" Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who posted the twenty different puns on her blog, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make people laugh. No pun in ten did.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Friday's Funnies
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... What'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa.
It will bring about world peace and harmony." The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, please be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the damn map again."
It will bring about world peace and harmony." The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, please be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the damn map again."
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Creative Writing Challenge
I would like to try something new. Once a week, more than likely on Thursdays, I am going to post a creative writing challenge for myself. Give myself the weekend to work on it and post the results the following week. If the challenge so suits you, add it to your blog and also e-mail me when you post your results and I will place links to your creative writing results for all of us to share.
This week freeze a moment in time and describe in sensory vivid detail (5 senses).
First, write a paragraph about a memory in your life, “The First Day in America.” Now, focus in on a key moment- stepping off the plane. What did you hear, see, smell, feel, and/or taste?- …as I stepped off the plane the cold wind pinched my cheeks and a voice on the loud speaker sounded like he was telling everyone I had arrived… Relive that moment.
Go..............
This week freeze a moment in time and describe in sensory vivid detail (5 senses).
First, write a paragraph about a memory in your life, “The First Day in America.” Now, focus in on a key moment- stepping off the plane. What did you hear, see, smell, feel, and/or taste?- …as I stepped off the plane the cold wind pinched my cheeks and a voice on the loud speaker sounded like he was telling everyone I had arrived… Relive that moment.
Go..............
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Secrets
I really like this blog and the book version comes out now.
I will buy it when I find it.
I find this blog interesting although sometimes I feel like a voyeur on other peoples lives while reading it.
I find that kinda cool for some weird reason.
I want to send in my own postcard to it.
Peoples minds are so interesting......
I will buy it when I find it.
I find this blog interesting although sometimes I feel like a voyeur on other peoples lives while reading it.
I find that kinda cool for some weird reason.
I want to send in my own postcard to it.
Peoples minds are so interesting......
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Thanksgiving 2005
So I missed a Friday's Funny or 2.. WOW how time flies.
How was your turkey day?
Mine was great. The Hub has Pnemonia (sp) now. Go figure. We went to one of those walk in weekend clinics today. What a great invention! I remember when I was little, if you got sick on the weekend, you either suffered, or paid out your bleeep to get any relief. Needless to say, we suffered a lot! LOL
Anyway, now that I have instant grandchildren (another great invention) I take pleasure in teaching them the joys and wonders of life, like...
Rediwhip in the can...
Amanda wasn't to pleased with me, but oh well, that is my perogative..
Please click here on Flickr and enjoy!
How was your turkey day?
Mine was great. The Hub has Pnemonia (sp) now. Go figure. We went to one of those walk in weekend clinics today. What a great invention! I remember when I was little, if you got sick on the weekend, you either suffered, or paid out your bleeep to get any relief. Needless to say, we suffered a lot! LOL
Anyway, now that I have instant grandchildren (another great invention) I take pleasure in teaching them the joys and wonders of life, like...
Rediwhip in the can...
Amanda wasn't to pleased with me, but oh well, that is my perogative..
Please click here on Flickr and enjoy!
Friday, November 11, 2005
Friday's Funnies
FEMALE POEM
I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
And when I spend his cash,
He not be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows the answer to "how big is my behind?"
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a liquor store
and a bass boat.
I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit
I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
And when I spend his cash,
He not be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows the answer to "how big is my behind?"
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a liquor store
and a bass boat.
I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit
Friday, November 04, 2005
Friday's Funnies
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble? A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well-known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test. Answer all the questions with what describes you best, add up all your points (which are next to the answer that you choose) and at the end, look for your results. Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you. Very interesting to see "who" your friends are!
Do not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done. Then forward this to all your friends (and me) and change the subject of this message to what character is you.
1) Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
(a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
(b) Fun/Theme park (2 pts.)
(c) Painting in the park (5 pts.)
(d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
(e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)
2) What is your favorite type of music?
(a) Rock 'n Roll (2 pts.)
(b) Alternative (1 pt.)
(c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
(d) Country (5 pts.)
(e) Pop (3 pts.)
3) What type of movies do you prefer?
(a) Comedy (2 pts.)
(b) Horror (1 pt.)
(c) Musical (3 pts.)
(d) Romance (4pts.)
(e) Documentary (5 pts.)
4) Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
(a) Waiter (4 pts.)
(b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
(c) Teacher (3pts.)
(d) Police (2 pts.)
(e) Cashier (1 pt ..)
5) What do you do with your spare time?
(a) Exercise (5 pts.)
(b) Read (4 pts.)
(c) Watch television (2 pts.)
(d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
(e) Sleep (3 pts.)
6) Which one of the following colors do you like best?
(a) Yellow (1 pt.)
(b) White (5 pts.)
(c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
(d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
(e) Red (4 pts.)
7) What do you prefer to eat right now?
(a) Snow (3 pts.)
(b) Pizza (2 pts)
(c) Sushi (1 pt.)
(d) Pasta (4 pts.)
(e) Salad (5 pts.)
8) What is your favorite holiday?
(a) Halloween (1 pt.)
(b) Christmas (3 pts.)
(c) New Year (2 pts.)
(d) Valentine's Day (4 pts)
(e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
9) If you could go to one of these places, which one would it be?
(a) Paris (4 pts.)
(b) Spain (5 pts.)
(c) Las Vegas (1 pt.)
(d) Hawaii (4 pts.)
(e) Hollywood (3 pts.)
10) With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
(a) Someone smart (5 pts.)
(b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
(c) Someone who likes to party (1 pt.)
(d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
(e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points, go to comments and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Please put who you are in the comments section! Very interesting to see "who" your friends are!
Do not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done. Then forward this to all your friends (and me) and change the subject of this message to what character is you.
1) Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
(a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
(b) Fun/Theme park (2 pts.)
(c) Painting in the park (5 pts.)
(d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
(e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)
2) What is your favorite type of music?
(a) Rock 'n Roll (2 pts.)
(b) Alternative (1 pt.)
(c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
(d) Country (5 pts.)
(e) Pop (3 pts.)
3) What type of movies do you prefer?
(a) Comedy (2 pts.)
(b) Horror (1 pt.)
(c) Musical (3 pts.)
(d) Romance (4pts.)
(e) Documentary (5 pts.)
4) Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
(a) Waiter (4 pts.)
(b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
(c) Teacher (3pts.)
(d) Police (2 pts.)
(e) Cashier (1 pt ..)
5) What do you do with your spare time?
(a) Exercise (5 pts.)
(b) Read (4 pts.)
(c) Watch television (2 pts.)
(d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
(e) Sleep (3 pts.)
6) Which one of the following colors do you like best?
(a) Yellow (1 pt.)
(b) White (5 pts.)
(c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
(d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
(e) Red (4 pts.)
7) What do you prefer to eat right now?
(a) Snow (3 pts.)
(b) Pizza (2 pts)
(c) Sushi (1 pt.)
(d) Pasta (4 pts.)
(e) Salad (5 pts.)
8) What is your favorite holiday?
(a) Halloween (1 pt.)
(b) Christmas (3 pts.)
(c) New Year (2 pts.)
(d) Valentine's Day (4 pts)
(e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
9) If you could go to one of these places, which one would it be?
(a) Paris (4 pts.)
(b) Spain (5 pts.)
(c) Las Vegas (1 pt.)
(d) Hawaii (4 pts.)
(e) Hollywood (3 pts.)
10) With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
(a) Someone smart (5 pts.)
(b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
(c) Someone who likes to party (1 pt.)
(d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
(e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points, go to comments and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Please put who you are in the comments section! Very interesting to see "who" your friends are!
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Friday's Funnies
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfils the cab driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfils the cab driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Friday, October 28, 2005
Friday's Funnies - part two of two
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
Friday, October 21, 2005
Friday's Funnies - part one of two
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad...."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:… "The big sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad...."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:… "The big sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Halloween Snack Mix
1/2 c. Wild Berries (Red Jelly Beans)
1/2 c. Owl Rings (Cheerios Cereal)
1/2 c. Colored Flies (M&M's)
1/2 c. Butterfly Wings (Fritos)
1/2 c. Cobwebs (Coconut)
1/2 c. Ants (Raisins)
1/2 c. Earth Worms (Chow Mein Noodles)
1/2 c. Squirrel nuts (Shelled Peanuts)
1/2 c. Bat Bones (Pretzels)
1/2 c. Bird Seed (Shelled Sunflower Seeds)
Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl. Makes 10 (1/2 c.) servings. A fun treat at Halloween time, thanksgiving time, or any time during the fall.
1/2 c. Owl Rings (Cheerios Cereal)
1/2 c. Colored Flies (M&M's)
1/2 c. Butterfly Wings (Fritos)
1/2 c. Cobwebs (Coconut)
1/2 c. Ants (Raisins)
1/2 c. Earth Worms (Chow Mein Noodles)
1/2 c. Squirrel nuts (Shelled Peanuts)
1/2 c. Bat Bones (Pretzels)
1/2 c. Bird Seed (Shelled Sunflower Seeds)
Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl. Makes 10 (1/2 c.) servings. A fun treat at Halloween time, thanksgiving time, or any time during the fall.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Friday's Funnies
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the nearest hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing the Lord, she asked, "Is My Time Up?" The Lord said, "No! You have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look good. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of the Lord again, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 some years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of That ambulance?"
The Lord replied, "Girrrlllll, I didn't even recognize You!"
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look good. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of the Lord again, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 some years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of That ambulance?"
The Lord replied, "Girrrlllll, I didn't even recognize You!"
Friday, October 07, 2005
Yankee Test
This is funny!
I scored:
83% (Dixie). Do you still use Confederate money?
Go figure, and moi being from Texas!
check it out!
I scored:
83% (Dixie). Do you still use Confederate money?
Go figure, and moi being from Texas!
check it out!
Friday's Funnies
An Indiana farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and
dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and
dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Poetry in motion
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew
I didn't mend his socks...
The way his mother used to do
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do
And he didn't like my cake
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew
I didn't mend his socks...
The way his mother used to do
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do
Friday, September 30, 2005
Friday's Funnies
Walking into his favorite bar, Mike said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one. I just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Fred. "And how did this one end ?" When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say ?" She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit."
"Oh yeah?" said Fred. "And how did this one end ?" When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say ?" She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit."
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Post Mothball
The Mothball was a blast! I have pictures to incriminate I mean post later. I am still re-couping. I know, I know it's Thursday, but the long drive Sunday, brick laying class on Tuesday, and after work errands that must be completed by Friday have kept mui from getting much needed rest.
And speaking of brick laying, on another post I must share my son's conversation with some friends about me taking that course.. too funny!
Can I say that a martini shaker, Gloria Estaban's "The Conga", and an olive made for an interesting "talent" for Bond girl Fiona Plum! Although she got beat out to a somewhat drunk frat boy who stripped down to a halter top and girls bikinis to the beat of Marvin Gayes "Let's Get It On". Bet he wondered what the hell the next morning! If Fiona Plum entered again, Fiona thinks lip syncing might be in order.
There were some great table decorations for the table decorating contest and competition was tough! I received the honor of being 1st runner up on my attempt at table decorations and won 5 bottles of wine! (Yes FIVE!!) There were some great tables and competition was tough!
How'd they know,
That I'm a wino?
LOL
I couldn't be happier!
Have a day!
And speaking of brick laying, on another post I must share my son's conversation with some friends about me taking that course.. too funny!
Can I say that a martini shaker, Gloria Estaban's "The Conga", and an olive made for an interesting "talent" for Bond girl Fiona Plum! Although she got beat out to a somewhat drunk frat boy who stripped down to a halter top and girls bikinis to the beat of Marvin Gayes "Let's Get It On". Bet he wondered what the hell the next morning! If Fiona Plum entered again, Fiona thinks lip syncing might be in order.
There were some great table decorations for the table decorating contest and competition was tough! I received the honor of being 1st runner up on my attempt at table decorations and won 5 bottles of wine! (Yes FIVE!!) There were some great tables and competition was tough!
How'd they know,
That I'm a wino?
LOL
I couldn't be happier!
Have a day!
Friday, September 23, 2005
Friday's Funnies
A Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "No."
And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing and fishing a lot.
THE END
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "No."
And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing and fishing a lot.
THE END
Thursday, September 22, 2005
The Moth Ball
So it all started with my sister inviting the hub and I to go to The Moth Ball with her.
Never heard of it? Click here!
It's but on by this group for a really good fund raiser..
You see she was last years Moth Ball Queen and wanted us to share in the honor and glory of her passing the crown on to the new queen.
So it has always sounded like fun so we thought what the heck! Part of the fun is dressing in the ball theme. This year is James Bond. So the hub, who already has a great shiny head, which I think is rather sexy, is going as Earnst Blofeld.
I don't want to get everyone all stirred up by going half naked like a Bond Girl, So I chose a long, slimming Black Dress with Opera gloves, and a long satin neck scarf sot of a 60's classic.
What's that? They are having a table decorating contest?
Count me in!
I am basing my design on this pic..
I rounded up some high dollar quality materials (old lamp, candle, cardboard, black spray paint and the ever popular hot glue gun)
To get to this:
OK so I am no set designer and the back ground doesn't help any! LOL And my Bond Girls Boobs are bigger..go figure..
And let me not forget the highest priced item of all.........................
The Dog Trainer Collar. you know the one, that conical one that a dog wears when it wants to bite or lick itself to much..AND it came in clear plastic! WAH LAA the bowl of the martini glass!
I have painted a Barbie gold, got tarot cards, gaming cards, dice, pics of all 5 bonds, the golden gun, a mini BMW, glitter and gold to scatter around the base of my centerpiece.
I can't wait to see the hubs face when he opens up his tarp to paint again!
OHH!!! (see me deny deny deny!) And yes that is the golden barbie at the bottom.
Did I say the Moth Ball is Saturday? Did I say that tonight my sister and her friend talked me into entering the Math Ball Queen Contest
More on that to come!
Keeping ya posted!
Never heard of it? Click here!
It's but on by this group for a really good fund raiser..
You see she was last years Moth Ball Queen and wanted us to share in the honor and glory of her passing the crown on to the new queen.
So it has always sounded like fun so we thought what the heck! Part of the fun is dressing in the ball theme. This year is James Bond. So the hub, who already has a great shiny head, which I think is rather sexy, is going as Earnst Blofeld.
I don't want to get everyone all stirred up by going half naked like a Bond Girl, So I chose a long, slimming Black Dress with Opera gloves, and a long satin neck scarf sot of a 60's classic.
What's that? They are having a table decorating contest?
Count me in!
I am basing my design on this pic..
I rounded up some high dollar quality materials (old lamp, candle, cardboard, black spray paint and the ever popular hot glue gun)
To get to this:
OK so I am no set designer and the back ground doesn't help any! LOL And my Bond Girls Boobs are bigger..go figure..
And let me not forget the highest priced item of all.........................
The Dog Trainer Collar. you know the one, that conical one that a dog wears when it wants to bite or lick itself to much..AND it came in clear plastic! WAH LAA the bowl of the martini glass!
I have painted a Barbie gold, got tarot cards, gaming cards, dice, pics of all 5 bonds, the golden gun, a mini BMW, glitter and gold to scatter around the base of my centerpiece.
I can't wait to see the hubs face when he opens up his tarp to paint again!
OHH!!! (see me deny deny deny!) And yes that is the golden barbie at the bottom.
Did I say the Moth Ball is Saturday? Did I say that tonight my sister and her friend talked me into entering the Math Ball Queen Contest
More on that to come!
Keeping ya posted!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Tuesday's Tantrum
Cell Phones
Gotta love 'em, gotta hate 'em!
For some of us, the cell phone is our link to friends and family. A modern person's replacement to the corded set most of us grew up with. The security of having it with you almost all the time for all those Justin Cases. The voice message system is the 2K's upgrade to the 1980 and 90's answering machines.
Used exactly what it is there for. To answer if you can't.
To others, the cell phone is an all empowering electronic marvel upon which they live for it's every ring. And answer it's every ring.
On the bus,
Driving,
in the park,
at the mall,
at dinner,
IN THE TOILET...
Just what is all that about? You DO have voice mail you know.
It never fails that I get in front of the person who is emotionally connected to their phone while on my way to work. They also are apparently afraid of using the headset. (I guess they miss those cancer causing vibes against their ear.)
Therefore, they...
imagine this now....
CAN"T DRIVE.
They go slow, they turn with no warning, they speed up, they slow down, wander into other lanes then jerk back, they glance at you in their rear view mirror, hoping you didn't notice.
GET OFF THE PHONE OR GOD FORBID GET A HEADSET!
We can be sitting in a nice restaurant, someone's cell goes off and you'd think they where spastic by the way they react. Searching for the phone in their pocket or purse, hoping to find it before that dreaded 4th ring.
Sweating..
getting that stressed look on their face. Then relief.
Ah ha, there it is.
WHEW! That was close.
Now...
You have to listen to their conversation while you eat. I don't want to listen to your one sided conversation go on and on while I am trying to enjoy my dinner. Especially if you are at my table.
My Momma taught me that doing that was R.U.D.E.
Whatever happened to asking the person on the other end of your call if it is important.
Then
A) If your caller says yes, step away from your fellow diners and talk to them.
B) If it isn't, simply state, "I am eating right now with my family, lover, friends, co-workers a bunch of assholes (pick one or insert one of your choice), Can I call you back when I am done?"
OMG!!
That was news breaking!
In breaks the evening news anchor:
"Diner finishes meal with family. Asks caller to call back later. News at 11"
Fade to black
And man, If I am talking to you the last thing I want to hear is that you are in the bathroom.
That's just gross.
Cell phones can be just a wee bit to convenient.
Gotta love 'em, gotta hate 'em!
For some of us, the cell phone is our link to friends and family. A modern person's replacement to the corded set most of us grew up with. The security of having it with you almost all the time for all those Justin Cases. The voice message system is the 2K's upgrade to the 1980 and 90's answering machines.
Used exactly what it is there for. To answer if you can't.
To others, the cell phone is an all empowering electronic marvel upon which they live for it's every ring. And answer it's every ring.
On the bus,
Driving,
in the park,
at the mall,
at dinner,
IN THE TOILET...
Just what is all that about? You DO have voice mail you know.
It never fails that I get in front of the person who is emotionally connected to their phone while on my way to work. They also are apparently afraid of using the headset. (I guess they miss those cancer causing vibes against their ear.)
Therefore, they...
imagine this now....
CAN"T DRIVE.
They go slow, they turn with no warning, they speed up, they slow down, wander into other lanes then jerk back, they glance at you in their rear view mirror, hoping you didn't notice.
GET OFF THE PHONE OR GOD FORBID GET A HEADSET!
We can be sitting in a nice restaurant, someone's cell goes off and you'd think they where spastic by the way they react. Searching for the phone in their pocket or purse, hoping to find it before that dreaded 4th ring.
Sweating..
getting that stressed look on their face. Then relief.
Ah ha, there it is.
WHEW! That was close.
Now...
You have to listen to their conversation while you eat. I don't want to listen to your one sided conversation go on and on while I am trying to enjoy my dinner. Especially if you are at my table.
My Momma taught me that doing that was R.U.D.E.
Whatever happened to asking the person on the other end of your call if it is important.
Then
A) If your caller says yes, step away from your fellow diners and talk to them.
B) If it isn't, simply state, "I am eating right now with my family, lover, friends, co-workers a bunch of assholes (pick one or insert one of your choice), Can I call you back when I am done?"
OMG!!
That was news breaking!
In breaks the evening news anchor:
"Diner finishes meal with family. Asks caller to call back later. News at 11"
Fade to black
And man, If I am talking to you the last thing I want to hear is that you are in the bathroom.
That's just gross.
Cell phones can be just a wee bit to convenient.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Friday's Funnies
Breakfast on the Farm
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
500th Post!
WOO HOO! This is post number 500 for me!
On a more serious note, I got on to put this web site out here and ask for prayers for a very good friend of mines daughter.
When you go to that web site check out her "My Story" and leave her a note in "the guestbook".
A quick run down of what happened...
She started having trouble breathing and went to several doctors to find out what the problem was to no avail.Finally she got a Doc that had a clue. Turns out 80% of her trachea was blocked to to esophagus scarring. How weird, right!?!
So they tried other remedies that did not work, so now she has had surgery. They removed the part of her trachea that was scarred and sewed it back together. They where then going to sew her chin to her chest to protect the stitches. The last thing she wanted was to be on a ventilator. The doctor said it would only happen worse case.
Gues what..
Worse case...
And now they are keeping her semi-comatose.
Anyway..
Send her a prayer and a note letting her know the world is thinking of her if you would.
Her Mom could use a prayer or two herself in this trying time..She is a sweetheart.
On a more serious note, I got on to put this web site out here and ask for prayers for a very good friend of mines daughter.
When you go to that web site check out her "My Story" and leave her a note in "the guestbook".
A quick run down of what happened...
She started having trouble breathing and went to several doctors to find out what the problem was to no avail.Finally she got a Doc that had a clue. Turns out 80% of her trachea was blocked to to esophagus scarring. How weird, right!?!
So they tried other remedies that did not work, so now she has had surgery. They removed the part of her trachea that was scarred and sewed it back together. They where then going to sew her chin to her chest to protect the stitches. The last thing she wanted was to be on a ventilator. The doctor said it would only happen worse case.
Gues what..
Worse case...
And now they are keeping her semi-comatose.
Anyway..
Send her a prayer and a note letting her know the world is thinking of her if you would.
Her Mom could use a prayer or two herself in this trying time..She is a sweetheart.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Tuesday's
I have been wanting to make Tuesday my tantrum day, but as the hub and I signed up for brick laying classes, that has been a bit hard!
Classes are every Tuesday up to the week of Thanksgiving..
Tonight,
we learn to slap mortar onto a brick and it stay....
Or should I say it SHOULD stay....
We have several projects in mind with what we learn from this class, but me thinks after this weekend, we aren't planning any for a week or 2!
Classes are every Tuesday up to the week of Thanksgiving..
Tonight,
we learn to slap mortar onto a brick and it stay....
Or should I say it SHOULD stay....
We have several projects in mind with what we learn from this class, but me thinks after this weekend, we aren't planning any for a week or 2!
Monday, September 12, 2005
SO, how was your weekend?
Mine envolved drills, drill wounds ( I drilled his finger), ambulances, a trip to the hospital. (The hub had shortness of breath, was light-headed and tightness in the chest. Turns out to be a reaction to me drilling his finger.)
The Doc told me I could come into the room as long as I wasn't armed with a drill.
The hub laughed.
I said "Not Funny!"
We where trying to fix the ceiling vent you can see at the back of the picture. We were not done when I drilled him.
After getting done at the hospital, the hub wanted to get back up there and finish, much to my disagreement.
So the hub got BACK in the attic and we did manage to finish. On his way back out of the attic, he stepped through the ceiling.
I screamed.
Just knew we where making a 2nd call to 911.
I should have got a picture of the mess. Now I have a redneck ceiling! Another use for duck tape.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Friday, September 09, 2005
Gulfport distruction
The company I work for is in the Hurricane area doing repairs.
Check these pics out in the Gulfport area.
Check these pics out in the Gulfport area.
Friday's Funnies
Top 10 Dog Peeves About Humans
10. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!!!
9. Yelling at me for barking . I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
8. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
7. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
6. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
5. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
4. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
3. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
2. Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
1. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth, you're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here!!!
You don't see me picking up your poop do you???
10. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!!!
9. Yelling at me for barking . I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
8. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
7. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
6. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
5. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
4. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
3. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
2. Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
1. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth, you're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here!!!
You don't see me picking up your poop do you???
Thursday, September 08, 2005
And I entertain also!
Let me set the scene for you..
The hub and I are enjoying our first night alone at the Inn in Nova Scotia.
The Inn is on a bay....
Quaint atmosphere....
Known for their Gourmet food....
Dinner by Candlelight...
And I am making the Hub laugh by....
(please ignore the picture quality.. it was VERY dark in the inn.)
Yes that is me with a spoon on my nose...
It balanced quite well!
The waitress never saw me but the man a table over kept giving me that sideways glance.
Humm
Think I was entertaining him also?
The hub and I are enjoying our first night alone at the Inn in Nova Scotia.
The Inn is on a bay....
Quaint atmosphere....
Known for their Gourmet food....
Dinner by Candlelight...
And I am making the Hub laugh by....
(please ignore the picture quality.. it was VERY dark in the inn.)
Yes that is me with a spoon on my nose...
It balanced quite well!
The waitress never saw me but the man a table over kept giving me that sideways glance.
Humm
Think I was entertaining him also?
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
We're Back!
Whew!!
We are back all safe and sound. Which unfortunately I can't say for the some of the people in the gulf states. What a tragic thing to happen! That is about all the Canadians watched on TV every where we went, and we kept getting asked why it was taking so long to get aid there. What do you say?!?!?!
(Personal opinion I think the FEMA dude should find new employment that does not require any form of human interaction). Check this out also..
Not that I think he is the only one either...he just pissed me off the most on TV, although a few others where close behind. Some of the others include reporters...
The Hub and I took lots of pics and I hope to post some soon. Here is one that I plan on using as a wall paper. It is of White's Cove at the northern tip of Nova Scotia.
Thanks Sissy for hosting while I was gone! Love Ya Man!
More soon!
Red
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Red and the Captain are almost home!
Red and the Captain are due back from their excursion to Nova Scotia tonight! YAY! I can't wait to hear their stories and see the pictures!
I would expect that once she gets home, gets some rest, unpacks, gets caught up at work, finds a cure for Cancer, reinvents the wheel, and cooks a nice meal, she'll blog about it here!
LOL!
I love you Sissy and B-I-L! I hope y'all had a good trip and had a safe trip home!
:-)
I would expect that once she gets home, gets some rest, unpacks, gets caught up at work, finds a cure for Cancer, reinvents the wheel, and cooks a nice meal, she'll blog about it here!
LOL!
I love you Sissy and B-I-L! I hope y'all had a good trip and had a safe trip home!
:-)
Friday, September 02, 2005
If you haven't already done so...
...please considering donating to The American Red Cross or the relief organization of your choice to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina.
I got word from New Orleans
I have a friend who lives and works in the New Orleans area that I have been worried about since it looked like Katrina was headed straight for New Orleans.
I wrote my friend an email Sunday night and simply let her know I was praying that she was OK and asking that she get in touch when she can. She wrote me an email that I received this morning:
I am absolutely horrified by what is going on in New Orleans and all of the other affected areas. I sit and watch the coverage on the news and cry because it is so unfathomable that this is going on anywhere, much less in America - the richest country in the world.
Yet my friend, who is basically at "Ground Zero," says it's much worse than what I'm seeing on TV??? All I can do shake my head and wipe away my tears.
I am praying hard and sending healing thoughts to all that are affected. I hope you'll join me.
I wrote my friend an email Sunday night and simply let her know I was praying that she was OK and asking that she get in touch when she can. She wrote me an email that I received this morning:
doing ok - busy but often I cry...life is sad for many down here on a good day...these are very very bad days and that is breaking my heart
house has tree in bedroom
very busy helping to organize recovery efforts
thanks for your note and prayers
we all need them down here
I'm safe but what's happening here is worse than the news is telling you
I am absolutely horrified by what is going on in New Orleans and all of the other affected areas. I sit and watch the coverage on the news and cry because it is so unfathomable that this is going on anywhere, much less in America - the richest country in the world.
Yet my friend, who is basically at "Ground Zero," says it's much worse than what I'm seeing on TV??? All I can do shake my head and wipe away my tears.
I am praying hard and sending healing thoughts to all that are affected. I hope you'll join me.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
People are goin' freakin' nuts!!!
I knew there was going to be a problem when I heard one of my co-workers hang up the phone from talking to her husband and say, "Well, gas is $3.89."
When I left work, traffic was backed up more than usual. The reason? There was a gas station on the corner and people were lining up to fill up. I got to the next light and had to sit through it twice. Why? There was a gas station at that corner and people were cramming themselves into that parking lot to jockey for a place at the pump.
The highest priced gas I saw on my way home was $2.92, however there was no less then 20-30 cars in que to get gas at every gas station I passed. Man! I'm glad I filled up when it was still $2.58 and had my choice of pumps the day Katrina hit.
I know that things are going to get worse. They always do the weekend of a holiday and with Katrina having wrecked havoc it just exacerbates things to the nth degree.
Car pool, anyone?
When I left work, traffic was backed up more than usual. The reason? There was a gas station on the corner and people were lining up to fill up. I got to the next light and had to sit through it twice. Why? There was a gas station at that corner and people were cramming themselves into that parking lot to jockey for a place at the pump.
The highest priced gas I saw on my way home was $2.92, however there was no less then 20-30 cars in que to get gas at every gas station I passed. Man! I'm glad I filled up when it was still $2.58 and had my choice of pumps the day Katrina hit.
I know that things are going to get worse. They always do the weekend of a holiday and with Katrina having wrecked havoc it just exacerbates things to the nth degree.
Car pool, anyone?
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Hello from Red's Sister!
Greetings all your Red readers! I am Joan and for those of you that don't already know this, I am Red's sister.
While Red is on vacation with the Captain, she is asking me and her son (my nephew) to fill in for her. We are all inconsistent bloggers at best, so this should be interesting! LOL!
I wanted to share one of my favorite memories of my sister when we were younger: When I was little, and even a little now that I'm grown, I was scared of storms. When I was 3 or 4, it had been an especially stormy Spring and I woke my parents up regularly to get into bed with them because the lightening and thunder terrified me. Finally they had enough and told me that I was not to wake them up that night and to stay in my own bed. Lo and behold, a big storm with big lightening and thunder came and I was scared to death and alone in my room. The lightbulb went off over my little bitty head and I went to my Sissy's room. She sleepily pulled back the covers and I got into bed with her and instantly felt safe enough to sleep. The next morning, my parents were panic stricken when they peered into my room and saw that I was not there. They checked the entire house from top to bottom EXCEPT for my sister's room. Finally, they opened the door to her room to wake her up to help them look for me, and found us curled together in her bed. Because they had been so scared, they fussed at us, but neither of us had done anything wrong. I didn't wake them up and I found a place to be safe - with my Sissy.
To say that I adore my sister would be a massive understatement. She is one of the two most important people in my life - the other being my nephew - and I love her more than I can say.
:-)
While Red is on vacation with the Captain, she is asking me and her son (my nephew) to fill in for her. We are all inconsistent bloggers at best, so this should be interesting! LOL!
I wanted to share one of my favorite memories of my sister when we were younger: When I was little, and even a little now that I'm grown, I was scared of storms. When I was 3 or 4, it had been an especially stormy Spring and I woke my parents up regularly to get into bed with them because the lightening and thunder terrified me. Finally they had enough and told me that I was not to wake them up that night and to stay in my own bed. Lo and behold, a big storm with big lightening and thunder came and I was scared to death and alone in my room. The lightbulb went off over my little bitty head and I went to my Sissy's room. She sleepily pulled back the covers and I got into bed with her and instantly felt safe enough to sleep. The next morning, my parents were panic stricken when they peered into my room and saw that I was not there. They checked the entire house from top to bottom EXCEPT for my sister's room. Finally, they opened the door to her room to wake her up to help them look for me, and found us curled together in her bed. Because they had been so scared, they fussed at us, but neither of us had done anything wrong. I didn't wake them up and I found a place to be safe - with my Sissy.
To say that I adore my sister would be a massive understatement. She is one of the two most important people in my life - the other being my nephew - and I love her more than I can say.
:-)
Saturday, August 27, 2005
We're Off
And not to see the wizard!
"The Trip" is upon us and the hub and I will be out of town for week. In the interim I have asked my son and my seaster to guest blog for me. No telling what kind of treats you are in for!
Also AC is back! Check out his new blog via blogrolling on the left. I have recently disovered another blog of a poetic woman, Contraptions. Check out her writings also and leave them all a note or 2 that you visited their blogs and what you thought!
See ya in a week.
Unless I get some really great pics.. then I will post them!
Red
"The Trip" is upon us and the hub and I will be out of town for week. In the interim I have asked my son and my seaster to guest blog for me. No telling what kind of treats you are in for!
Also AC is back! Check out his new blog via blogrolling on the left. I have recently disovered another blog of a poetic woman, Contraptions. Check out her writings also and leave them all a note or 2 that you visited their blogs and what you thought!
See ya in a week.
Unless I get some really great pics.. then I will post them!
Red
Friday, August 26, 2005
Friday's Funnies
NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
D A M N I T O L -Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconsciousfor up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N - Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of howawful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O - Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before anevening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and preventsconception.
D U M B E R O L - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoymentof country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge toflip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N - Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal linesas, "You make me want to be a better person .Can we get naked now?.
BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, andcredit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary,phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to sharetheir life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T - When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation levelas nagging him.
D A M N I T O L -Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconsciousfor up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N - Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of howawful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O - Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before anevening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and preventsconception.
D U M B E R O L - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoymentof country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge toflip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N - Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal linesas, "You make me want to be a better person .Can we get naked now?.
BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, andcredit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary,phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to sharetheir life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T - When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation levelas nagging him.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Where does your surname come from?
As we all know I am intrigued by Genealogy. Today I thought I would post something kinda fun. Yes they want you to "buy" their membership but seeing the origins of your surname is free and kinda cool!
Try it!
Search for your surname origins here!
Try it!
Search for your surname origins here!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
A Tuesday Tantrum
Tipping Etiquette goes both ways. We are told via news articles or TV stories that standard tipping is 15% for lunch, 20% for dinner. We can even buy the little tipping cheater charts billfold size for all those times pressure is high, (or you have has a wee bit too much to drink) and you can’t think quickly on what that amount should be. Restaurants hire servers at a low wage with the intent their tips should bring it up quite well. (so I guess actually the guilt trip to tip starts here.)
But what about tipping etiquette for wait staff?
The hub and I have gone out, relaxed and had a nice meal. The service was good, my tea glass kept full, and the waitperson has checked with us just enough times to tend our needs but not be annoying. They leave the bill with out making a production of it and step away.
Upon their return to see if we are ready to pay and collect their little black book, they make the mistake of opening their mouths and saying one version of:
“Do you need your change?”
“Do you want your change?”
“Do you want me to bring back your change?”
Ever had a sentence or phrase or statement that just made your skin crawl? This is one of mine. Any version of one of the above sentences makes me wish I hadn’t or wouldn’t have tipped my server. The server is assuming what is in the little black book covers the meal and the rest is for them. (My momma taught me to never assume as we all know what that does.) They are just rude questions in my book.
I want to retort with:
“Of course I need my change!”
“Of course I want my change!”
Or a rousing “Hell Yeah I want my change back!”
But I don’t, as I do not want to stoop to their level. Instead my face flushes red as the irritation rises and the “momma instinct” in me wants to scold them and teach them some manners. They may have been better than a say 20% tip server but they just blew it. The hub and I work hard for the money and a dinner out is one of the things we enjoy from our hard work. It’s like the server is laying a guilt trip on you for wanting any of your money back. IE: a $10 meal and all I have is a $20 to but in that little black money eating server book. Now don’t get me wrong, the hub and I are good tippers if we get good service, usually more than the 15 or 20 percent we are all taught. The hub likes to make the bill come out to even dollars which more often than not works out in their favor. Also my first few employment opportunities where being a waitress, anywhere from a burger joint to a truck stop. I TOTALLY understand the servers need for tips.
What ever happened to the simple, non-assuming polite phrase:
“I’ll be right back with your change.”
OMG such a simple phrase!
Doesn’t that sound nice even?!
It puts me at ease, shows the servers have manners and actually makes me like that server more. All things which more than likely would lead to more tip. It also puts the ball in my court and opens up the floor for me to say:
“The rest is for you, thank you.”
Or
“Just plain, “Thank you!”, if I happen to have only a large bill(s).
One day I am going get up the gumption to give a little "what for" speech to them..
maybe..
Every time I think I can, I hear my mom lecturing me on manners in the back of my mind. One of her standard statements was “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
What I would say would not be nice.
So I choose to say nothing.
But I do think the next time it happens I am going to ask for the manager and tell him what I think. This should be part of the training of wait staff and any manager should frown upon hearing anyone say the above, abrasive, irritating phrases.
If I ran a restaurant it would be one of many teaching points for my team!
But what about tipping etiquette for wait staff?
The hub and I have gone out, relaxed and had a nice meal. The service was good, my tea glass kept full, and the waitperson has checked with us just enough times to tend our needs but not be annoying. They leave the bill with out making a production of it and step away.
Upon their return to see if we are ready to pay and collect their little black book, they make the mistake of opening their mouths and saying one version of:
“Do you need your change?”
“Do you want your change?”
“Do you want me to bring back your change?”
Ever had a sentence or phrase or statement that just made your skin crawl? This is one of mine. Any version of one of the above sentences makes me wish I hadn’t or wouldn’t have tipped my server. The server is assuming what is in the little black book covers the meal and the rest is for them. (My momma taught me to never assume as we all know what that does.) They are just rude questions in my book.
I want to retort with:
“Of course I need my change!”
“Of course I want my change!”
Or a rousing “Hell Yeah I want my change back!”
But I don’t, as I do not want to stoop to their level. Instead my face flushes red as the irritation rises and the “momma instinct” in me wants to scold them and teach them some manners. They may have been better than a say 20% tip server but they just blew it. The hub and I work hard for the money and a dinner out is one of the things we enjoy from our hard work. It’s like the server is laying a guilt trip on you for wanting any of your money back. IE: a $10 meal and all I have is a $20 to but in that little black money eating server book. Now don’t get me wrong, the hub and I are good tippers if we get good service, usually more than the 15 or 20 percent we are all taught. The hub likes to make the bill come out to even dollars which more often than not works out in their favor. Also my first few employment opportunities where being a waitress, anywhere from a burger joint to a truck stop. I TOTALLY understand the servers need for tips.
What ever happened to the simple, non-assuming polite phrase:
“I’ll be right back with your change.”
OMG such a simple phrase!
Doesn’t that sound nice even?!
It puts me at ease, shows the servers have manners and actually makes me like that server more. All things which more than likely would lead to more tip. It also puts the ball in my court and opens up the floor for me to say:
“The rest is for you, thank you.”
Or
“Just plain, “Thank you!”, if I happen to have only a large bill(s).
One day I am going get up the gumption to give a little "what for" speech to them..
maybe..
Every time I think I can, I hear my mom lecturing me on manners in the back of my mind. One of her standard statements was “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
What I would say would not be nice.
So I choose to say nothing.
But I do think the next time it happens I am going to ask for the manager and tell him what I think. This should be part of the training of wait staff and any manager should frown upon hearing anyone say the above, abrasive, irritating phrases.
If I ran a restaurant it would be one of many teaching points for my team!
Friday, August 19, 2005
Friday's Funnies
After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five-year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.
"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?", she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.
"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said. "I was baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son, and in the hole-he-goes!"
OK so if nothing else, have a good day!
Red
The older of the two, a five-year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.
"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?", she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.
"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said. "I was baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son, and in the hole-he-goes!"
OK so if nothing else, have a good day!
Red
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Natures signs of things to come?
OK I am already afraid of snakes, any snake would be harmful to me because I am sure I would injure myself trying to get away from it. But can you imagine this ?
And then in the sea that I oh so love to be near, these creatures are trying their tenicles at land-lubbing.
Doesn't it make you wonder what is going on that drives them to this? And both of these happening now?
Hummmmmmm Natures gotta be telling us something, but will we listen? Can we hear?
And then in the sea that I oh so love to be near, these creatures are trying their tenicles at land-lubbing.
Doesn't it make you wonder what is going on that drives them to this? And both of these happening now?
Hummmmmmm Natures gotta be telling us something, but will we listen? Can we hear?
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Wednesday Bit O' Genealogy
Give a hearty raise of the mug to: George Abernethy DeBarrie, born about 1580 in Barrie, Strath Isla, Baniff, Scotland. His father's name was Thomas.
George had at least 2 sons; Robert A. Abernethy and William Abernethy. Robert was my first relative on the Abernethy side to come to the U.S. (1652). (More on Robert another time.)The name Abernethy was anglo-sized to Abernathy after they came to the states.
The legendary beginning of the Abernathy or Abernethy name is from the 5th century AD in Scotland. The name is first mentioned, as a church, in the famous Pictish Chronicles, which lists the founder of the church at Abernethy as King Nectan (Nathan) about the year 470 AD. He may have been the Nectan who was converted to Christianity at Restinoth, the monastery in the parish of Forfar, by Boniface, an Israelite and a descendant of the Jonah, father of the apostles Peter and Andrew. According to the Chronicles, Nectan had been banished to Ireland by his brother, but St. Brigid of Ireland had prophesied that he would return to possess the kingdom in peace. When he did return as prophesied, he built the church at Abernethy to honor St. Brigid, who is said to have died there in 518 AD. Later, a second larger church was built there by King Gartnaith. In the 8th Century AD, the holy man, St. Donald lived with his nine virgin daughters at Ogilvy in Forfarshire. After he died, his daughters moved to Abernethy and established a monastery near Banff in Scotland, though legend says that they first lived in a hollowed out tree. The monastery at Abernethy, with its famous, still existing tower, built about 850 AD, is one of the three most famous towers in Britain. This tower was used as place of refuge by King Malcolm III and his family. The location of this church, near Perth, is at the confluence of the mouths of the Earn and Tay Rivers. The Nethy river flows into the Tay very close to Abernethy Church, which in Gaelic means- by the ford (Aber) of the River Nethy. Another possible meaning of the name is Ab Earn Ne Tay, meaning by the ford of the rivers Earn and Tay.
My Abernethy family is of the Clan Leslie.
Cheers George!
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
The Trip
Well it is coming up on about 2 weeks before we go on
THE TRIP
TRIP
Trip
trip
We are going to be near here and here and I read that agates, amethysts and such are found on the beaches and nearby paths. So guess who will be combing the beaches?!?!
Between the B&B inn stay, these 2 areas and seeing this area,
me thinks our time is going to be full!
Did you know:
Many victims of the Titanic sinking are buried in 3 of Halifax city cemeteries and they have an extensive collection of Titanic artifacts?
THE TRIP
TRIP
Trip
trip
We are going to be near here and here and I read that agates, amethysts and such are found on the beaches and nearby paths. So guess who will be combing the beaches?!?!
Between the B&B inn stay, these 2 areas and seeing this area,
me thinks our time is going to be full!
Did you know:
Many victims of the Titanic sinking are buried in 3 of Halifax city cemeteries and they have an extensive collection of Titanic artifacts?
Friday, August 12, 2005
Friday's Funnies
A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades . She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!"
The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out ..
"CRAP... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!"
The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out ..
"CRAP... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"
Friday, August 05, 2005
Friday's Funnies
A man approached the minister at his church...."Reverend," he said, "We have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What can I do?"
"I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task," said the minister. "Take this hat pin with you. I can see when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and will motion to you. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg with the hat pin."
In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said nodding to Mr. Jones.
"Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp hat pin.
"Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!" came the minister's quick reply.
Mrs. Jones then turned and glared angrily at her husband.
Soon, Mrs. Jones again nodded off. The minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones.
"My God!" howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin.
"Right again!" Bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face. Mrs. Jones again gave her husband a real hard threatening glare.
Before long, though, she again nodded off. This time however, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to sharply poke his wife with the hat pin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones jumped up and shouted, "You stick that thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it where the sun don't shine!"
"Amen!" replied all the women in the congregation.
"I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task," said the minister. "Take this hat pin with you. I can see when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and will motion to you. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg with the hat pin."
In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said nodding to Mr. Jones.
"Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp hat pin.
"Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!" came the minister's quick reply.
Mrs. Jones then turned and glared angrily at her husband.
Soon, Mrs. Jones again nodded off. The minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones.
"My God!" howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin.
"Right again!" Bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face. Mrs. Jones again gave her husband a real hard threatening glare.
Before long, though, she again nodded off. This time however, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to sharply poke his wife with the hat pin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones jumped up and shouted, "You stick that thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it where the sun don't shine!"
"Amen!" replied all the women in the congregation.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
"The Trip"
Time is getting closer for "The Trip"
trip
trip
trip
hear that in a deep, thunderous, echoing voice.
Although time is not passing as fast as I would like!
The Hub and I have booked us a romantic little nite away here Gourmet Meal and all!
Cool!
trip
trip
trip
hear that in a deep, thunderous, echoing voice.
Although time is not passing as fast as I would like!
The Hub and I have booked us a romantic little nite away here Gourmet Meal and all!
Cool!
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Meet David Tobe Yarbrough, my Great Grandfather..
He just appeared from heaven one day with a boom!
Not really, but he is the brick wall for those of us on the Yarbrough side. He had parents of course and brothers, (not sure about sisters) and according to him he was born in Florence, Alabama, April 27th, 1865. He died in Fort Worth Texas, March 8, 1938.
Whatever happened with his family started in 1905, when his fisrt wife Laura died. My grandmother (from his second wife, Nannie) really didn't know much about his family herself. Apparently her dad would not talk about it. He married his second wife, Nannie Mae Brazell(sp) July 3, 1915. She was married before to a Weshellison(sp) and had one son Euel(sp). At least that is what the 1920 Census says his name is and if you have done any research, you know that is always open to interpretation! He had one son, Charlie, that was kidnapped by a couple helping him tend the kids after Nannie Mae died. More on Charlie in the future...
Also I know he worked for the city of Fort Worth before he died and I have found him in the 1920 and 1930 Census. I am hoping someone, sometime in the future will search his name on the net and find me!
So please bare with me through these weekly posts!
Some of them will be where anyone can enjoy from either their entertaining careers, or weird ways.
Stand by for those!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Nice little birthday gifts
I received a package from my son for my birthday, and inside was a nice little suprise...
A second gift from his friend Denise!
Written on the outside was...
This is from Denise, I told her all about you and she thought you'd like it! I agreed!
Love,
Eric
I opened it up,
Curious to what someone who doesn’t know me (except through what my son passes on) would think I like.
I carefully opened the package and inside was…..
(see pic below)
I LMAO!!!
A second gift from his friend Denise!
Written on the outside was...
This is from Denise, I told her all about you and she thought you'd like it! I agreed!
Love,
Eric
I opened it up,
Curious to what someone who doesn’t know me (except through what my son passes on) would think I like.
I carefully opened the package and inside was…..
(see pic below)
I LMAO!!!
Friday, July 29, 2005
Friday's Funnies
Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different area of the country: Idaho, Nebraska, North Carolina and one from a northern state.
Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.
"What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.
"We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!"
A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from North Carolina.
"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"
Inspired, the gal from North Carolina opened the car door and.....
pushed the Yankee out.
Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.
"What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.
"We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!"
A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from North Carolina.
"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"
Inspired, the gal from North Carolina opened the car door and.....
pushed the Yankee out.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Nova Scotia
Here after dubbed:
THE TRIP
We are going here in about a month. The hubs friend lives in Collingwood Corner. I hear it will be blueberry picken time.
Bit O tivia
The hubs friends wifes first husbands family invented the blueberry picker... they use it to pick cranberries also. (how many "s" can you pack into one sentence?)
Did you know the Blueberry plant turns red after being harvested? Weird ey?
I think so.
So this weekend I will pull all the camera gear out, check batteries, inventory and order film to start getting ready for this trip. Yes, I will fall back on the trusty ol' 35mm and slide film. The hub has a digital, (small but takes quite good pics). One day I will graduate to a good digital but not yet...
More updates on THE TRIP and the other things we plan to see and do as things progress forward!
THE TRIP
We are going here in about a month. The hubs friend lives in Collingwood Corner. I hear it will be blueberry picken time.
Bit O tivia
The hubs friends wifes first husbands family invented the blueberry picker... they use it to pick cranberries also. (how many "s" can you pack into one sentence?)
Did you know the Blueberry plant turns red after being harvested? Weird ey?
I think so.
So this weekend I will pull all the camera gear out, check batteries, inventory and order film to start getting ready for this trip. Yes, I will fall back on the trusty ol' 35mm and slide film. The hub has a digital, (small but takes quite good pics). One day I will graduate to a good digital but not yet...
More updates on THE TRIP and the other things we plan to see and do as things progress forward!
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Wednesday is for a Bit O'Family History
This was my Great Grandfathers first wife Laura. These are his first 3 children, from left, Lula L., John Brackenridge (baby), and Johnie Suiter Yarbrough. Laura passed away in Iowa Park Texas in 1905 so this picture is about 1904 to 1905. I am not sure what she passed away of, but it caused a family riff and my grandfather seperated from his family. This is my brick wall in my family genealogy and has been for years. The back of the picture has to Mr. Bud Blair wife from D T Yarbrough wife and children.
I think she was very pretty for the times she lived. Know any Yarbroughs or Blairs?
My great grandfather remarried to Nannie Mae Bazzell July 3rd, 1915. They has 3 children, Leona Mae(my grandmother), Woodrow Wilson and Charlie Yarbrough. She passed way in 1920. He never remarried again. Trying to raise 3 children and hold a job was hard for my great grandfather. The youngest child Charlie was taken by the older couple, The Reynolds, that had been helping him tend to the kids. My grandmother used to tell of her brothers and herself being tied to the clothes line to play. (all in keeping them contained you see)On the day Charlie was taken, they where tied to the clothes line and the Reynolds took off with Charlie. That would have been about 1921 or 1922. She did not find her brother again until the late 50's. But I am getting a little of here... more on that later.
I think she was very pretty for the times she lived. Know any Yarbroughs or Blairs?
My great grandfather remarried to Nannie Mae Bazzell July 3rd, 1915. They has 3 children, Leona Mae(my grandmother), Woodrow Wilson and Charlie Yarbrough. She passed way in 1920. He never remarried again. Trying to raise 3 children and hold a job was hard for my great grandfather. The youngest child Charlie was taken by the older couple, The Reynolds, that had been helping him tend to the kids. My grandmother used to tell of her brothers and herself being tied to the clothes line to play. (all in keeping them contained you see)On the day Charlie was taken, they where tied to the clothes line and the Reynolds took off with Charlie. That would have been about 1921 or 1922. She did not find her brother again until the late 50's. But I am getting a little of here... more on that later.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Friday's Funnies
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Cattle Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
The Cat's Answer:
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Cattle Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
The Cat's Answer:
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
I am constantly amazed at some things....
Want to read some things that just boggle the mind??
Check out Chewies and the Troublemakers blogs posting some hearings happening here by the Greeensboro Truth and Reconciliation Commission. (The sad day in question happened back in the late 70s, KKK, Nazis, people died.)
At least read Chewies last 2 posts including his transcript of a KKK leader. The Troublemaker has several on the subject also.
Greensboro Truth and Reconciliation Commission
P.O. Box 20566
Greensboro, NC 27401
(336) 275-6462
http://www.greensborotrc.org
Things that make you go
WTF!
Check out Chewies and the Troublemakers blogs posting some hearings happening here by the Greeensboro Truth and Reconciliation Commission. (The sad day in question happened back in the late 70s, KKK, Nazis, people died.)
At least read Chewies last 2 posts including his transcript of a KKK leader. The Troublemaker has several on the subject also.
Greensboro Truth and Reconciliation Commission
P.O. Box 20566
Greensboro, NC 27401
(336) 275-6462
http://www.greensborotrc.org
Things that make you go
WTF!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Not for Sale
We have officially taken the house off the market. The 6 months listing with the realtor is almost up and we got her to agree to take it off the market.
I am real surprised it didn't sell. We averaged 2 to 3 showings a week, my house is always clean, in a good neighborhood...I have my opinions as to why it didn't sell but you know how much opinions weigh..
I guess it wasn't meant to be.
So, now we are looking at using part of the equity to do some upgrades.
New kitchen counters, (they are currently formica)
Gas stove (we love to cook)
Tile in the living room, (it has carpet)
screen the porch in. add a spa.
etc etc..
Either way I can't say I am not glad that strangers will no longer be going through my home when we are not here.
I am real surprised it didn't sell. We averaged 2 to 3 showings a week, my house is always clean, in a good neighborhood...I have my opinions as to why it didn't sell but you know how much opinions weigh..
I guess it wasn't meant to be.
So, now we are looking at using part of the equity to do some upgrades.
New kitchen counters, (they are currently formica)
Gas stove (we love to cook)
Tile in the living room, (it has carpet)
screen the porch in. add a spa.
etc etc..
Either way I can't say I am not glad that strangers will no longer be going through my home when we are not here.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Monday Monday... da da.. da da da da
So we are thinking of going away on a relaxing vacation. The hub has just completed a 4 year project for his company that was a major software write and an extreme upgrade for them. Needless to say he is a little tired and needs to de-stress. We looked at vacation packages for some places including Bahamas, Jamaca and the Carribean.
Looks like we have settled on Nova Scotia...
Did your head just spin? LOL
I know, that is quite the opposite of the places we where looking at. But I was thinking, relaxing means not having to run here to see this and that, going out if you want, staying in if you want..and most of all being cool!
I don't know about you but I can not relax if I am hot and the hub can't either..
He has a friend that lives there. Somewhere that is like an hour and half from Halifax. They have a empty house on the ocean they have offered up... So I am like..
have we left yet?
THe last week of August is when we are thinking of going and that is right at the end of peak whale watching season.. WOO HOO!
He wants to take the Cabot trail and go to Prince Edward Island. Maybe take in Quebec also..
I am thinking, cool weather, ocean water, whales and nature to take pics of... I am SOOOO THERE!!!
Looks like we have settled on Nova Scotia...
Did your head just spin? LOL
I know, that is quite the opposite of the places we where looking at. But I was thinking, relaxing means not having to run here to see this and that, going out if you want, staying in if you want..and most of all being cool!
I don't know about you but I can not relax if I am hot and the hub can't either..
He has a friend that lives there. Somewhere that is like an hour and half from Halifax. They have a empty house on the ocean they have offered up... So I am like..
have we left yet?
THe last week of August is when we are thinking of going and that is right at the end of peak whale watching season.. WOO HOO!
He wants to take the Cabot trail and go to Prince Edward Island. Maybe take in Quebec also..
I am thinking, cool weather, ocean water, whales and nature to take pics of... I am SOOOO THERE!!!
Friday, July 15, 2005
Friday's Funnies
This so reminds me of my place of business
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male
buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall
mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the
counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management
position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male
buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall
mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the
counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management
position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."
Thursday, July 14, 2005
My son and a Bud
a pic of my son from one of his recent excursions. My son is in the Bermuda shirt. I know he will be oh so honored that I chose this pic to post of him but I like it! He and a couple of friends went hiking in Texas. (should explain the sweat). Texas has been having record heat this year.
Check out his other pics and blog here.
Monday, July 11, 2005
So I come home and..
No one comes to greet me at the door! This is unusual, but then I find out why...
Friday, July 08, 2005
Friday's Funnies
Jim and Deb were walking hand in hand one muggy June night. They were headed to a secluded area they had used for clandestine encounters under the stars, and were excited at the prospect of an evening of sweaty, sticky sex.
Suddenly, a bright light came from above them, and they found themselves being pulled up and into an alien space craft. A male and female humanoid greeted them and told them not to fear anything. They were explorers as well as lovers, and they detected a strong amount of sexual pheromones being released by Jim and Deb. Curious about human sexuality, they offered to give the couple 200 pounds of pure gold in exchange for swapping partners. Figuring they had nothing to lose, they agreed.
Deb went with the male to a padded chamber where they proceeded to undress, revealing that the male had a diminutive sexual organ. Deb confided that the organ wouldn't do much to show the alien about human sexual arousal, to which the male smiled and put a finger in his right ear. He twisted his finger and slowly his penis got longer, but was still thin. Understanding the look on Deb's face, the alien put his finger in his left ear. Twisting it, his penis increased in girth until it was the perfect size for Deb.
Having extremely satisfying sex for hours, they returned to the main room where she found the female with Jim. Saying goodbye, they dropped the couple back where they picked them up. Walking back home, Jim asked Deb how the experience was. She told him that it was quite physically satisfying, and asked how his was.
Jim said, "It was good and all, but I was distracted: She kept playing with my ears!"
Suddenly, a bright light came from above them, and they found themselves being pulled up and into an alien space craft. A male and female humanoid greeted them and told them not to fear anything. They were explorers as well as lovers, and they detected a strong amount of sexual pheromones being released by Jim and Deb. Curious about human sexuality, they offered to give the couple 200 pounds of pure gold in exchange for swapping partners. Figuring they had nothing to lose, they agreed.
Deb went with the male to a padded chamber where they proceeded to undress, revealing that the male had a diminutive sexual organ. Deb confided that the organ wouldn't do much to show the alien about human sexual arousal, to which the male smiled and put a finger in his right ear. He twisted his finger and slowly his penis got longer, but was still thin. Understanding the look on Deb's face, the alien put his finger in his left ear. Twisting it, his penis increased in girth until it was the perfect size for Deb.
Having extremely satisfying sex for hours, they returned to the main room where she found the female with Jim. Saying goodbye, they dropped the couple back where they picked them up. Walking back home, Jim asked Deb how the experience was. She told him that it was quite physically satisfying, and asked how his was.
Jim said, "It was good and all, but I was distracted: She kept playing with my ears!"
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
The Babies are Growing Up
They are getting brave now, sitting on the edge of the basket. Mom has left the nest and returns daily to check on and feed them. She now stands out on the edge of the porch coaxing them to "come on out" with her coo - cooo...
Friday, July 01, 2005
PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST...
Somebody over at this blog is having a birthday today!! Go say HI and Happy Birthday from her seaster for me!
Friday's Funnies
As I Mature
I’ve learned that you can not make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you are finished.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there better be a lot of money there to take it’s place.
I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something doesn’t work in your house, one of your kids did it.
I’ve learned that the people you care the most about in life are taken away from you much to soon and the less important ones just never go away.
Share these words of wisdom with your friends, trust me they will appreciate it. Who knows maybe something good will happen.
If not…
Tough Shit!
I’ve learned that you can not make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you are finished.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there better be a lot of money there to take it’s place.
I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something doesn’t work in your house, one of your kids did it.
I’ve learned that the people you care the most about in life are taken away from you much to soon and the less important ones just never go away.
Share these words of wisdom with your friends, trust me they will appreciate it. Who knows maybe something good will happen.
If not…
Tough Shit!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
The Babies are Born!
We let a perfectly good Fuschia plant die because of Ms. Dovie. I went out to water the plant one day, which is over my head by the way. I held the water picture up, soaked the bird, scared the bird, the bird scared me, she flew off screaming, I jumped back screaming....I took the plant down after she flew off, (and my heart stopped racing) and low and behold there was a nest with 2 eggs. They were still translucent! So it has been about 3 weeks now and check out the babies! the second one is low in the now dead foliage under mom's head...
Aren't they cute though!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
Friday's Funnies
Enterprising Young Ladies
Two prostitutes were riding around town
with a sign on top of their car which said:
"Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them
they'd either have to remove the sign
or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you don't stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different,"
the officer smiled "Their sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night frowned
as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day found the same police officer
in the area when he noticed the two ladies
driving around with a large sign on their car again.
Figuring he had an easy arrest,
he began to catch up with them
when he noticed the new sign which now read:
"Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter -- $50.00."
Two prostitutes were riding around town
with a sign on top of their car which said:
"Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them
they'd either have to remove the sign
or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you don't stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different,"
the officer smiled "Their sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night frowned
as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day found the same police officer
in the area when he noticed the two ladies
driving around with a large sign on their car again.
Figuring he had an easy arrest,
he began to catch up with them
when he noticed the new sign which now read:
"Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter -- $50.00."
Friday, June 17, 2005
Friday's Funnies
Yes it's time to pick on the Blondes again!
Three blondes were applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So ya'll want to be a cop, eh?" The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now," he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective grabbed the photo, shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face!"
"You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused, too!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but....He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "DUH ! ! ! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"
Three blondes were applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So ya'll want to be a cop, eh?" The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now," he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective grabbed the photo, shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face!"
"You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused, too!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but....He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "DUH ! ! ! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Spam Poetry
One way to put your spam mail to work...re-write with it.
I would like to thank some obvious, all annoying spammers for today's selection.
Thank you......
They're Here!
Celebrate summer,
Your opinions are valued!
Try the New Blue Pill for Male Sexual Enhancement.
Don’t miss your final days to enter.
A full is moon rising,
Go Wild!
Aren't you inspired now!
Ha Ha!
I would like to thank some obvious, all annoying spammers for today's selection.
Thank you......
They're Here!
Celebrate summer,
Your opinions are valued!
Try the New Blue Pill for Male Sexual Enhancement.
Don’t miss your final days to enter.
A full is moon rising,
Go Wild!
Aren't you inspired now!
Ha Ha!
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)