Friday's Funnies

As I Mature

I’ve learned that you can not make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you are finished.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there better be a lot of money there to take it’s place.

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something doesn’t work in your house, one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that the people you care the most about in life are taken away from you much to soon and the less important ones just never go away.

Share these words of wisdom with your friends, trust me they will appreciate it. Who knows maybe something good will happen.

If not…

Tough Shit!