NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
D A M N I T O L -Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconsciousfor up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N - Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of howawful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O - Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before anevening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and preventsconception.
D U M B E R O L - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoymentof country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge toflip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N - Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal linesas, "You make me want to be a better person .Can we get naked now?.
BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, andcredit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary,phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to sharetheir life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T - When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation levelas nagging him.