Friday, June 04, 2004

Today I plan to talk about some shit!

Why "shit" is the most functional cuss word in our modern lexicon:

Did you know that you can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains? You can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot. (I personally have to much shit on my desk, but nowhere to put the shit.)

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die. Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits. (I see a lot of dumb shits every day!)

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits. There is bull shit, horse shit and chicken shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot shit, or duck when shit hits the fan. (I work with a bunch of shit every day trying to turn that shit into shit that makes sense.)

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle [the proverbial "SOS"]. You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a pig in shit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit. (Yesterday I got some shit on my computer, that is causing me some shit, and it keeps opening shit up for shit that I know shit about!)

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit, and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose. (I myself have shitty luck!)

When you stop to consider all the facts, this word is one of the basic building blocks of creation. For if nothing else, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!

Ain't that some shit!

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