A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfils the cab driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
Friday's Funnies - part two of two
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
Friday, October 21, 2005
Friday's Funnies - part one of two
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad...."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:… "The big sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad...."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:… "The big sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Halloween Snack Mix
1/2 c. Wild Berries (Red Jelly Beans)
1/2 c. Owl Rings (Cheerios Cereal)
1/2 c. Colored Flies (M&M's)
1/2 c. Butterfly Wings (Fritos)
1/2 c. Cobwebs (Coconut)
1/2 c. Ants (Raisins)
1/2 c. Earth Worms (Chow Mein Noodles)
1/2 c. Squirrel nuts (Shelled Peanuts)
1/2 c. Bat Bones (Pretzels)
1/2 c. Bird Seed (Shelled Sunflower Seeds)
Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl. Makes 10 (1/2 c.) servings. A fun treat at Halloween time, thanksgiving time, or any time during the fall.
1/2 c. Owl Rings (Cheerios Cereal)
1/2 c. Colored Flies (M&M's)
1/2 c. Butterfly Wings (Fritos)
1/2 c. Cobwebs (Coconut)
1/2 c. Ants (Raisins)
1/2 c. Earth Worms (Chow Mein Noodles)
1/2 c. Squirrel nuts (Shelled Peanuts)
1/2 c. Bat Bones (Pretzels)
1/2 c. Bird Seed (Shelled Sunflower Seeds)
Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl. Makes 10 (1/2 c.) servings. A fun treat at Halloween time, thanksgiving time, or any time during the fall.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Friday's Funnies
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the nearest hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing the Lord, she asked, "Is My Time Up?" The Lord said, "No! You have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look good. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of the Lord again, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 some years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of That ambulance?"
The Lord replied, "Girrrlllll, I didn't even recognize You!"
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look good. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of the Lord again, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 some years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of That ambulance?"
The Lord replied, "Girrrlllll, I didn't even recognize You!"
Friday, October 07, 2005
Yankee Test
This is funny!
I scored:
83% (Dixie). Do you still use Confederate money?
Go figure, and moi being from Texas!
check it out!
I scored:
83% (Dixie). Do you still use Confederate money?
Go figure, and moi being from Texas!
check it out!
Friday's Funnies
An Indiana farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and
dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and
dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Poetry in motion
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew
I didn't mend his socks...
The way his mother used to do
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do
And he didn't like my cake
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew
I didn't mend his socks...
The way his mother used to do
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do
Friday, September 30, 2005
Friday's Funnies
Walking into his favorite bar, Mike said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one. I just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Fred. "And how did this one end ?" When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say ?" She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit."
"Oh yeah?" said Fred. "And how did this one end ?" When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say ?" She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit."
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Post Mothball
The Mothball was a blast! I have pictures to incriminate I mean post later. I am still re-couping. I know, I know it's Thursday, but the long drive Sunday, brick laying class on Tuesday, and after work errands that must be completed by Friday have kept mui from getting much needed rest.
And speaking of brick laying, on another post I must share my son's conversation with some friends about me taking that course.. too funny!
Can I say that a martini shaker, Gloria Estaban's "The Conga", and an olive made for an interesting "talent" for Bond girl Fiona Plum! Although she got beat out to a somewhat drunk frat boy who stripped down to a halter top and girls bikinis to the beat of Marvin Gayes "Let's Get It On". Bet he wondered what the hell the next morning! If Fiona Plum entered again, Fiona thinks lip syncing might be in order.
There were some great table decorations for the table decorating contest and competition was tough! I received the honor of being 1st runner up on my attempt at table decorations and won 5 bottles of wine! (Yes FIVE!!) There were some great tables and competition was tough!
How'd they know,
That I'm a wino?
LOL
I couldn't be happier!
Have a day!
And speaking of brick laying, on another post I must share my son's conversation with some friends about me taking that course.. too funny!
Can I say that a martini shaker, Gloria Estaban's "The Conga", and an olive made for an interesting "talent" for Bond girl Fiona Plum! Although she got beat out to a somewhat drunk frat boy who stripped down to a halter top and girls bikinis to the beat of Marvin Gayes "Let's Get It On". Bet he wondered what the hell the next morning! If Fiona Plum entered again, Fiona thinks lip syncing might be in order.
There were some great table decorations for the table decorating contest and competition was tough! I received the honor of being 1st runner up on my attempt at table decorations and won 5 bottles of wine! (Yes FIVE!!) There were some great tables and competition was tough!
How'd they know,
That I'm a wino?
LOL
I couldn't be happier!
Have a day!
Friday, September 23, 2005
Friday's Funnies
A Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "No."
And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing and fishing a lot.
THE END
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "No."
And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing and fishing a lot.
THE END
Thursday, September 22, 2005
The Moth Ball
So it all started with my sister inviting the hub and I to go to The Moth Ball with her.
Never heard of it? Click here!
It's but on by this group for a really good fund raiser..
You see she was last years Moth Ball Queen and wanted us to share in the honor and glory of her passing the crown on to the new queen.
So it has always sounded like fun so we thought what the heck! Part of the fun is dressing in the ball theme. This year is James Bond. So the hub, who already has a great shiny head, which I think is rather sexy, is going as Earnst Blofeld.
I don't want to get everyone all stirred up by going half naked like a Bond Girl, So I chose a long, slimming Black Dress with Opera gloves, and a long satin neck scarf sot of a 60's classic.
What's that? They are having a table decorating contest?
Count me in!
I am basing my design on this pic..
I rounded up some high dollar quality materials (old lamp, candle, cardboard, black spray paint and the ever popular hot glue gun)
To get to this:
OK so I am no set designer and the back ground doesn't help any! LOL And my Bond Girls Boobs are bigger..go figure..
And let me not forget the highest priced item of all.........................
The Dog Trainer Collar. you know the one, that conical one that a dog wears when it wants to bite or lick itself to much..AND it came in clear plastic! WAH LAA the bowl of the martini glass!
I have painted a Barbie gold, got tarot cards, gaming cards, dice, pics of all 5 bonds, the golden gun, a mini BMW, glitter and gold to scatter around the base of my centerpiece.
I can't wait to see the hubs face when he opens up his tarp to paint again!
OHH!!! (see me deny deny deny!) And yes that is the golden barbie at the bottom.
Did I say the Moth Ball is Saturday? Did I say that tonight my sister and her friend talked me into entering the Math Ball Queen Contest
More on that to come!
Keeping ya posted!
Never heard of it? Click here!
It's but on by this group for a really good fund raiser..
You see she was last years Moth Ball Queen and wanted us to share in the honor and glory of her passing the crown on to the new queen.
So it has always sounded like fun so we thought what the heck! Part of the fun is dressing in the ball theme. This year is James Bond. So the hub, who already has a great shiny head, which I think is rather sexy, is going as Earnst Blofeld.
I don't want to get everyone all stirred up by going half naked like a Bond Girl, So I chose a long, slimming Black Dress with Opera gloves, and a long satin neck scarf sot of a 60's classic.
What's that? They are having a table decorating contest?
Count me in!
I am basing my design on this pic..
I rounded up some high dollar quality materials (old lamp, candle, cardboard, black spray paint and the ever popular hot glue gun)
To get to this:
OK so I am no set designer and the back ground doesn't help any! LOL And my Bond Girls Boobs are bigger..go figure..
And let me not forget the highest priced item of all.........................
The Dog Trainer Collar. you know the one, that conical one that a dog wears when it wants to bite or lick itself to much..AND it came in clear plastic! WAH LAA the bowl of the martini glass!
I have painted a Barbie gold, got tarot cards, gaming cards, dice, pics of all 5 bonds, the golden gun, a mini BMW, glitter and gold to scatter around the base of my centerpiece.
I can't wait to see the hubs face when he opens up his tarp to paint again!
OHH!!! (see me deny deny deny!) And yes that is the golden barbie at the bottom.
Did I say the Moth Ball is Saturday? Did I say that tonight my sister and her friend talked me into entering the Math Ball Queen Contest
More on that to come!
Keeping ya posted!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Tuesday's Tantrum
Cell Phones
Gotta love 'em, gotta hate 'em!
For some of us, the cell phone is our link to friends and family. A modern person's replacement to the corded set most of us grew up with. The security of having it with you almost all the time for all those Justin Cases. The voice message system is the 2K's upgrade to the 1980 and 90's answering machines.
Used exactly what it is there for. To answer if you can't.
To others, the cell phone is an all empowering electronic marvel upon which they live for it's every ring. And answer it's every ring.
On the bus,
Driving,
in the park,
at the mall,
at dinner,
IN THE TOILET...
Just what is all that about? You DO have voice mail you know.
It never fails that I get in front of the person who is emotionally connected to their phone while on my way to work. They also are apparently afraid of using the headset. (I guess they miss those cancer causing vibes against their ear.)
Therefore, they...
imagine this now....
CAN"T DRIVE.
They go slow, they turn with no warning, they speed up, they slow down, wander into other lanes then jerk back, they glance at you in their rear view mirror, hoping you didn't notice.
GET OFF THE PHONE OR GOD FORBID GET A HEADSET!
We can be sitting in a nice restaurant, someone's cell goes off and you'd think they where spastic by the way they react. Searching for the phone in their pocket or purse, hoping to find it before that dreaded 4th ring.
Sweating..
getting that stressed look on their face. Then relief.
Ah ha, there it is.
WHEW! That was close.
Now...
You have to listen to their conversation while you eat. I don't want to listen to your one sided conversation go on and on while I am trying to enjoy my dinner. Especially if you are at my table.
My Momma taught me that doing that was R.U.D.E.
Whatever happened to asking the person on the other end of your call if it is important.
Then
A) If your caller says yes, step away from your fellow diners and talk to them.
B) If it isn't, simply state, "I am eating right now with my family, lover, friends, co-workers a bunch of assholes (pick one or insert one of your choice), Can I call you back when I am done?"
OMG!!
That was news breaking!
In breaks the evening news anchor:
"Diner finishes meal with family. Asks caller to call back later. News at 11"
Fade to black
And man, If I am talking to you the last thing I want to hear is that you are in the bathroom.
That's just gross.
Cell phones can be just a wee bit to convenient.
Gotta love 'em, gotta hate 'em!
For some of us, the cell phone is our link to friends and family. A modern person's replacement to the corded set most of us grew up with. The security of having it with you almost all the time for all those Justin Cases. The voice message system is the 2K's upgrade to the 1980 and 90's answering machines.
Used exactly what it is there for. To answer if you can't.
To others, the cell phone is an all empowering electronic marvel upon which they live for it's every ring. And answer it's every ring.
On the bus,
Driving,
in the park,
at the mall,
at dinner,
IN THE TOILET...
Just what is all that about? You DO have voice mail you know.
It never fails that I get in front of the person who is emotionally connected to their phone while on my way to work. They also are apparently afraid of using the headset. (I guess they miss those cancer causing vibes against their ear.)
Therefore, they...
imagine this now....
CAN"T DRIVE.
They go slow, they turn with no warning, they speed up, they slow down, wander into other lanes then jerk back, they glance at you in their rear view mirror, hoping you didn't notice.
GET OFF THE PHONE OR GOD FORBID GET A HEADSET!
We can be sitting in a nice restaurant, someone's cell goes off and you'd think they where spastic by the way they react. Searching for the phone in their pocket or purse, hoping to find it before that dreaded 4th ring.
Sweating..
getting that stressed look on their face. Then relief.
Ah ha, there it is.
WHEW! That was close.
Now...
You have to listen to their conversation while you eat. I don't want to listen to your one sided conversation go on and on while I am trying to enjoy my dinner. Especially if you are at my table.
My Momma taught me that doing that was R.U.D.E.
Whatever happened to asking the person on the other end of your call if it is important.
Then
A) If your caller says yes, step away from your fellow diners and talk to them.
B) If it isn't, simply state, "I am eating right now with my family, lover, friends, co-workers a bunch of assholes (pick one or insert one of your choice), Can I call you back when I am done?"
OMG!!
That was news breaking!
In breaks the evening news anchor:
"Diner finishes meal with family. Asks caller to call back later. News at 11"
Fade to black
And man, If I am talking to you the last thing I want to hear is that you are in the bathroom.
That's just gross.
Cell phones can be just a wee bit to convenient.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Friday's Funnies
Breakfast on the Farm
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
500th Post!
WOO HOO! This is post number 500 for me!
On a more serious note, I got on to put this web site out here and ask for prayers for a very good friend of mines daughter.
When you go to that web site check out her "My Story" and leave her a note in "the guestbook".
A quick run down of what happened...
She started having trouble breathing and went to several doctors to find out what the problem was to no avail.Finally she got a Doc that had a clue. Turns out 80% of her trachea was blocked to to esophagus scarring. How weird, right!?!
So they tried other remedies that did not work, so now she has had surgery. They removed the part of her trachea that was scarred and sewed it back together. They where then going to sew her chin to her chest to protect the stitches. The last thing she wanted was to be on a ventilator. The doctor said it would only happen worse case.
Gues what..
Worse case...
And now they are keeping her semi-comatose.
Anyway..
Send her a prayer and a note letting her know the world is thinking of her if you would.
Her Mom could use a prayer or two herself in this trying time..She is a sweetheart.
On a more serious note, I got on to put this web site out here and ask for prayers for a very good friend of mines daughter.
When you go to that web site check out her "My Story" and leave her a note in "the guestbook".
A quick run down of what happened...
She started having trouble breathing and went to several doctors to find out what the problem was to no avail.Finally she got a Doc that had a clue. Turns out 80% of her trachea was blocked to to esophagus scarring. How weird, right!?!
So they tried other remedies that did not work, so now she has had surgery. They removed the part of her trachea that was scarred and sewed it back together. They where then going to sew her chin to her chest to protect the stitches. The last thing she wanted was to be on a ventilator. The doctor said it would only happen worse case.
Gues what..
Worse case...
And now they are keeping her semi-comatose.
Anyway..
Send her a prayer and a note letting her know the world is thinking of her if you would.
Her Mom could use a prayer or two herself in this trying time..She is a sweetheart.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Tuesday's
I have been wanting to make Tuesday my tantrum day, but as the hub and I signed up for brick laying classes, that has been a bit hard!
Classes are every Tuesday up to the week of Thanksgiving..
Tonight,
we learn to slap mortar onto a brick and it stay....
Or should I say it SHOULD stay....
We have several projects in mind with what we learn from this class, but me thinks after this weekend, we aren't planning any for a week or 2!
Classes are every Tuesday up to the week of Thanksgiving..
Tonight,
we learn to slap mortar onto a brick and it stay....
Or should I say it SHOULD stay....
We have several projects in mind with what we learn from this class, but me thinks after this weekend, we aren't planning any for a week or 2!
Monday, September 12, 2005
SO, how was your weekend?
Mine envolved drills, drill wounds ( I drilled his finger), ambulances, a trip to the hospital. (The hub had shortness of breath, was light-headed and tightness in the chest. Turns out to be a reaction to me drilling his finger.)
The Doc told me I could come into the room as long as I wasn't armed with a drill.
The hub laughed.
I said "Not Funny!"
We where trying to fix the ceiling vent you can see at the back of the picture. We were not done when I drilled him.
After getting done at the hospital, the hub wanted to get back up there and finish, much to my disagreement.
So the hub got BACK in the attic and we did manage to finish. On his way back out of the attic, he stepped through the ceiling.
I screamed.
Just knew we where making a 2nd call to 911.
I should have got a picture of the mess. Now I have a redneck ceiling! Another use for duck tape.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
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